Why Sunshine over Shadows?

YOUR CHOICE


Searching and longing to feel whole.

Finding the joy inside your Soul.

Life’s journey is beautiful and filled with magic.

It’s your job to jump out and grab it.

Being afraid is completely okay.

Just don’t let it keep you from growing day to day.

Your reason should never be your excuse.

But, more of an entrance to discover the real you.

So don’t give up and don’t give in.

Be stronger than the monster within.

”Dig deeper than the shadows burrow”

This poem was inspired by a simple picture as the one you see.

This morning, doing my normal scrolling through social media. I came across this post and it was from a plant farm here locally in Spokane.

I am a huge succulent fan so it grabbed my attention quickly. Seems as if succulents are the only plants outside of a cactus I can keep alive.

In the beginning of my journey to learning about succulents and growing them from babies to medium plants. I lost LOTS of leafs and my toddler like to share them with the pet cat.

So that would sometimes leave me with some naked looking succulents. Of course, I would naturally just throw away the broken pieces. Not even thinking to give the leaf a opportunity to regrow.

Just like any plant! Take the clipping and put it in water. Duh!

But, a little different with succulent. You can literally just leave that little guy out and it will regrow itself! I believe a tad bit of water on the leaf here and there with proper sunlight.

How incredible is this! I mean the thought to me that I was so quick to just give up and throw away an opportunity of regrowth.

I almost felt bad for all leafs I killed. Ha ha.

So, next time you feel like giving up quickly. Rethink what opportunity lies in the problem. I assure you there is most likely more life or option left in what you are given.

Sending positive vibes your way and wish you the best of your weekend.

Always remember, “You are STRONGER THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT.”

If it makes you feel better, I flipped off my coffee after it spilt on me this morning. #reallife 💋

Thanks for reading!

When things took a turn

Perspective

She was down, she was sad.

She felt lost, she felt mad.

The days were long, tiring and tough.

She held on though. Because, of love.

As the year went on and came to an end.

She finally realized it was time to shift, it was time to bend.

The moment had come when transforming was vital.

Change was happening and she was no longer idle.

She pushed on the gas and that’s all it took.

A shift in perspective to start a new book.

-Ashley Roberts

“Perspective is power”

This poem was literally off the top of my head and it signifies my last 12-16 months and the mental battles I have been dealing with. The war in my own head.

Suicidal thoughts, major anxiety which formed a depression that would just basically hold hands with my anxiousness all day long.

This battle will come to an end and my story ends with me winning either way.

Speak into yourself often. It’s more powerful then we are taught it is.

I hope you know and believe in yourself enough to know that whatever you are going through is not your end. It does not define your story and you can start a new page every single day that allows an ending YOU WANT.

Perspective has literally altered my mindset and it’s only getting sharper.

Someone once said, “Fear of what is coming in the future, is anxiety and fear of what has happened in the past, is depression.

Why do we not focus on the present?

Thank you for reading

To begin can be scary

Have you started your New Years Resolution?

Perhaps you were up late last night preparing frozen meals, organizing shelves, taking notes for the first day in 2019 or maybe you laid around and spent quality time laughing with your family.

Either way, we all have goals when we begin something new.


The trends and the repetitive repeats of the year before.

Aren’t you sick of setting the same goals every year? Either not reaching them, half reaching them or perhaps, you did actually achieve them.

Good for you!

For those of you, like myself, that start and stop frequently in life by overfilling your “perfection plate.

Trust when I say, “You are not on that wagon alone.”

However, this year I was hoping to encourage others like myself. Too hop off that old wagon and hurdle onto the new one that is actually moving!


Did you know that this is the very last teen of our century? The last teen in your lifetime.

It may not seem like some huge ordeal and perhaps it really is not.

However, sometimes believing something is your last, somehow makes you want to reach for it a little bit more.

Kind of like the theory of, you want what you can’t have.

But, it is not here nor there.

What it is about is, you. This year, it is about kicking your own ass.

If that is physically for you, get on it!

If that is mentally for you, seek it!

If that is emotionally for you, dig for it!

You truly have the power inside of you even when you feel like you don’t.

You are human and it is absolutely normal and natural to simply just feel like you can’t.

But, what I am here to tell you is, you can!

I used to think, that putting a ton of shit on my plate was the best way to get all the things done.

I used to think, that by shooting for 10 things I was stronger or smarter somehow.

I used to…

But this year, this year we can change all we have ever known and done.

Because this year, there is belief like never before. There is passion and there is fire inside of you!

Can you feel it?!

Stop going against what you know your meant to do or be! Don’t worry about what everyone or even that one person will think.

The only persons opinion that matters about you, is yours!

You can never truly be your genuine self if all you do is hide behind a shadow of someone you are not.


Here are some personal tips on how to start and move towards your wanted direction.

  1. Figure out what you want.

I know this is tough. I’m aware it’s the hardest part. But dig deep, soul search and figure out what is burning inside of you. The thing you can not live without. You do not need to be great at this thing. You just have to have a big enough passion and hunger to go after it.

2. How will you get it? Blue print the plan.

No, you do not need to be an architect to blue print your process. You simply need a pencil, some paper and a vision. What is the first step to getting your # 1? I’m not talking about taking the first step here. Simply just writing or drawing it out first. There is SERIOUS magic in writing things down.

Is it changing your attitude?

Is it changing your friends?

Is it adding more nutrition?

Is it implementing more self talk?

How will you get what you want? Figure this out and the next step comes easier.

3. Take the first step

The scariest part. At least for me personally.

Actually, following through with all the things that were just written down is freaky all by itself.

Probably asking yourself, “Am I seriously going to do this?” “Is this actually going to even work?”

Been there and guess what?

You will never know unless you TRY!

So stop allowing FEAR and DOUBT to stop you from everything you DESERVE!

Which takes me to my last tip.

4. Get good at filtering your thoughts

Before you speak, think. Because our reality becomes what we create.

If we are constantly feeding ourselves doubt through thoughts.

Well my friends, I will just tell you now that you will spin your plates for a long time by doing so.

You disservice yourself and all those around you by speaking poorly. By thinking poorly.

We are what we feel and we become what we surround ourself with physically and mentally.

I know this might seem a bit deep and weird to wrap up my last tip this way.

But, it’s truth and if you don’t start taking the filter process more seriously. You will self destruct before you even flip the switch to try.

Believe in yourself. Believe in the power of you!

Always remember that being intentional with everything you do can be life altering.


Happy New Year 2019 to all of you! May you be showered with love and light.

A few things in 2019 I will personally be doing:

  • Being Intentional (My Word for the Year)
  • Learning to manage and work through my Anxiety.
  • Diminish my Personal depression for good!
  • Less unproductive Screen time
  • Increased creative time with Gracie
  • More dates with my Husband
  • Monetize my website
  • Find sponsorship for Podcast
  • Donate as much as possible
  • Attend church regularly
  • Makeup application & Beauty world
  • YouTube channel growth
  • Take walks outside and alone again. This has been a struggle since my anxiety took over.
  • Better nutrition and self care for the inside of my body.
  • Read more and take more notes

NUMBER ONE IS THE GOAL FOR 2019!

The rest are things I plan on working on and getting better at with application and time.

X O X O

You and everyone else…

Have you ever done something in your life when you got no support from people actually present around you?

Perhaps some would pat you on the back or tell you good job, but that is the open and close to the action or compliment if that is how it’s done nowadays?

Is that enough for you?

Should you keep that energy around?

These are valid and necessary questions to ask yourself sometimes.

Especially when you are trying to do something that is totally against the grain. Something that you are building from scratch. It is not just a clock in and clock out kinda lifestyle.

Most times you end up with people that understand nothing about what your doing or why you are doing it. Good thing you are not doing it for them. Because boy oh boy would that pressure be tough or what? Having to please everybody else, including you!

Worrying about how you do things or move your life around to fit people in.

People that are important but currently not more important than your immediate family and goals.

If this can’t be respected, encouraged or understood from the opposing party.

You my friend are in for a bit of a tougher road. Best way too put it.

Sometimes there comes a day when people want to do something for themselves and unfortunately there is no room for extra.

It’s strictly family and work until a goal is met and a break can be given.

For the first time your doing something for yourself.

Go you!

Has this happened to you or happening?

Because I completely know how you feel.

In fact we could not be on more of the same wave link as we are with this.

You see, there are time frames on things in life.

Even life itself.

There are time frames in our teenage years, the mistakes we make and learn from.

Then the decade of our twenties which we end up enduring a lot of experience.

Then when you finish up with the end of your twenties you branch into your thirties.

Here is when you are thinking a lot more about the deeper things in life.

Not saying that this is everyone. But, you have to admit this explanation is pretty average.

Now thinking deeper could be encouraged from settling down for a long period of time with your spouse and creating a family.

Seeing the importance of so much we take for granted.

Understanding how quickly time goes by and the value we throw away by not utilizing the time more wisely.

You and everyone else, is not a qualified recipe.

You are your own ingredients and everyone else is their own formula.

It important to remember when you branch out and start following the path you want and life you deserve. That you simply go after it.

It’s vital to not allow anyone to devalue that or misunderstand the importance of it too you.

Do not rearrange your goals and priorities. This is the first mistake that so many make when they think they can do it all.

Don’t get me wrong, there are probably a lot of you reading this that manage all the things that life throws at you.

Let me ask you something, “How’s that going?”

It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to prioritize and completely cut people out.

It’s your life. Your terms.

Friends if you have people in your circle that don’t understand what your fighting for or what your dealing with in your life.

It’s okay. It’s not their responsibility to know or understand.

It is up to you if you want to share it.

It’s up to you if you want to include those that actually help you thrive and if they do.

Just be sure you keep your environment positive and encouraging for your path.

Because I know to well, it does not take much to break someone that is already feeling broken.

If you are someone that is reading this and dealing with an individual who might not be around much.

Show them love, show them grace, ask them what’s wrong.

Understand that if you know them, you’ll know they aren’t hiding for any reason other than a valid one.

God bless and thanks for reading my thoughts today friends.

Now go out and do that thing, for you.

What If we had Two?

one-and-done-series-banner-3.jpg

So this is a topic we tossed around. Having more than one child is a big choice. We were together for 8 years before we got pregnant with Gracie. It took us 8 months to conceive her. That was a crazy ride. With things like cost of living, wages, and just your daily survival fees. That's what I like to call the "Stuff" we have to buy nowadays. Fees. I feel like we are charged to even use restrooms in some countries. But hey, I get it. Money makes the world go round. That is the truth. Harsh, yet true.

See, when we initially discussed having a baby it was 2014. I mean we had discussed it previously but it was about timing for us. Even then the cost of living was a lot. We were noticing food cost go up, the minimum wage was skyrocketing with the demands in votes for the state of Washington. I mean, I could say I understand why Washington residents wanted a higher pay. But, here we are resulting in a higher cost of living. I mean I could talk about all states and discuss this topic across the nation. However, that is not the Main talk here. I am here to talk the end reason(s) why we came to this way of thinking.

My husband and I are both children of siblings. Yet, we had no utter desire to have more than one baby. The trying alone was tough on us. In many different ways. So, when we had our first initial talk it was the basics of. Let's try! I was ready at that point and I was pushing 30. My anxiety was rising, knowing I am getting older and my egg count is getting lower. Yet Ryan was supportive of my wanting a baby, starting a family and truly seeking motherhood. He was not quite on the same page. But, he knew he was spending forever with me. So if not now, when? We may not have been in the best or most ideal financial position. But, waiting around for the "Perfect Time" just was not realistic. Having a baby was something I was craving from the inside. My heart was just not....full. I mean my love for Ryan runs deep. But I just did not feel complete.

So, during pregnancy, I tumbled into all sorts of things that were not the ideal pregnancy side effects. But I mean, it is pregnancy. Growing a human is anything other than glorious. I mean don't get me wrong, its the coolest and most beautiful thing that I believe happens in the world. But, man is it a miserable load to carry for 9 months. That is my utter truth straight from my mom mouth. I mean, if things were a breeze for you. You're not human in my opinion. I mean, seriously tho. Who walks around with a giant belly and is stoked about it? Oh, I meant, a moving belly. The pregnancy and all the ugly that comes with it. There are those glorious magazine moments of glowing. But, please lord don't let them fool you. The stuff is tough. If you are reading this now and wanting a baby, do it. (Responsibly of course) If you are pregnant, don't let me scare you or make you feel anything other than how you feel. Also, if you already have kids and you are the non-human mom. Email me, we need to chat. Ha Ha, I mean that with the humblest of hearts. But seriously, email me. Along with the pregnancy at thirty weeks I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I had the pleasure of stabbing my finger three times a day, injecting insulin into my stomach, maintaining a strict diet, and walking up and down 3 flights of stairs 3 times after every meal. Kept my glucose low and kept me somewhat active outside of daily walking. Thankfully I only had that pleasure for 8 weeks. Our little Gracie came at 38.5 weeks.

Outside of the pregnancy ride and all that I was blessed to encounter. We entered Parent-Hood. The glorious days of No sleep, dirty clothes, toy landmines, snot on everything, smelling poop almost everywhere you go, the life of carrying an item that holds urine and poop alongside with some wipes to clean it up. Yeah, we wanted this. We tried for this life. I giggle now. But, in all reality, our house without all those things today. Would be, boring. It is funny how as a Stay at home Mom I say I get bored a lot. Yet, If I didn't have the chaos of motherhood or being a parent. Life would be equally as boring. Just in a different paradigm. Just strange to ponder on. So, while raising Gracie over the last year and a half there have been more things to just help us confirm we made the right choice in the concept of "One and Done."

See, I could get a Full-time Employment job. Where I go and work 9-5 and have a paycheck. However, that would lead us to have someone else raise Gracie. I mean in all reality that is what it is when your littles are left with someone else most of their awake hours. We made the choice while I was pregnant I would stay home and tend to Gracie. We would make the sacrifice with less income so that I could be the main source of influence. Yes, it is a huge sacrifice. we are blessed to even have the option to live on one income. Yet I am yearning to contribute. Living on one Income and the needs of a toddler/child. It is a lot of costs, but also a lot of responsibility. As well as just figuring things out as a first-time parent. Many trials in error moments for us here. That is okay with us tho. We are okay with failing sometimes. Here is what we put into perspective every single time we have hiccups in life. Cost we cant afford, or just, in general, we slide thru by the hair on our chins. Ya know? So, we ask ourselves, "What if we had two?" I mean, that question is heavy enough in moments like that which make it easy as blinking to make the choice we did. Why take from Gracie? I mean yes, I could work and we could work harder or more to make more money. Which then would supply a life for two. However, I come back to who is raising our littles if we are always slaving away to make money for trips we don't have time for because we are to busy working. See that cycle? We do not want any part of it. Which is the end result of why we made our choice with just having Gracie.

It boils down to that one questions every single time we come into a pickle. "What if we had two?"

However.... What will 5 years from now hold?

Too Be continued?.....