Posted on January 10, 2019
Although defeat stood taller today,
The fight in me goes on.
I know what I am worth and I know that I am strong.
Anxiety can make things scary.
But one thing I know for sure, is that my will to win.
That is one thing that keeps me from giving in.
The dreams I see and the vision I have, is bigger than me.
Anxiety will never be allowed to defeat who I am.
Because, God created me for greatness and its my job to prove I can.
“Be brave in the face of fear” This is something I almost feel like I want tattooed on my body.
This little poem was inspired by my anxiety winning and keeping me from something I had been so excited for.
Almost four weeks ago, I purchased a Rachel Hollis “Made for more” move ticket. I have been raving about this for weeks and ridiculously excited to get pumped up and inspired with wisdom and nuggets of goodness.
If you do not know, one of the triggers I have is, walking in the dark alone. Going to a movie entailed me to have to potentially walk a good distance before I get inside. Which was also a parking garage and a location I rarely go.
Now, I know you are probably wondering why I sit and talk about conquering anxiety and being encouraging about it all.
But, I also know that being real is a characteristic I have shared about myself.
Well, this is some of that honesty. You cant always win. We just aren’t built for that.
Failure is apart of success. That is fact.
Which is why I chalked this up as a lesson and I told myself that, “this is apart of my learning curve.”
Acceptance is so vital when we fail or we end up just beating ourselves up. That shit just does not feel good.
So, my point was that I did not attend the show and I am sad about it. I am sitting with the sadness and accepting it so I can move on.
I know that I was doing what was best for my health and just overall, myself. Which needs to be practiced more. I think we all should practice self-awareness and self-love more often.
Anxiety got me last night and for some reason I feel okay with a little regret but also, happy with the gut choice I made.
Yeah, it just felt right.
Sometimes we just have to follow our gut even if it goes against everything we are wanting to do.
If anxiety or your defeat has got you down, remember that its okay to have bad days. Its okay to get defeated by the shit. Accept it and move on. Do not stay in your defeat. Which is why acceptance, I feel like goes hand in hand with defeat.
We will always face defeat and that is not in our control. But what we can do is, focus on accepting what is and learning what we can from it. This is where the journey to success comes and flows.
Thanks for reading ❤
Posted on November 3, 2018
I know what your thinking. Why is the title asking me what type of fruit I like? Well, I am not talking about the food fruit. I am talking about the “Fruits of the Spirit.”
You see I just recently was reading and this came up in the book. I have never been asked to do what the author asked us, readers, to do. She named out the 8 fruits of the spirit and said, “Write down the ones that resonate with you most.” Set them out where you can see them. Seems silly yeah?
Well, for me it is not. For me, I am a visual person and I like the idea of having something in front of me every day to remind me of the things that unfortunately can slip my mind. Here are the 8 Fruits of the Spirit if you are not aware of them as I was not either. This is a good place to start.
Love, Joy, Peace, Kindness, Self- Control, Gentleness, Goodness and Faithfulness. Now I was completely unaware of this knowledge. So perhaps that is why I find it so interesting. Either way, I choose to write about things when it really sits with me. So here I am.
Now, if you’d like to join me you could take the moment and write down maybe which ones resonate with you the most? I wrote down these four fruits, Love; Faithfulness; Kindness and Peace. What I want to share with you wasn’t just the list of the 8 fruits. It was to first share with you the information I read and perhaps maybe someone else would enjoy the practice as much as I did. Second I wanted to share with you the ones I did write down and why those resonated with me. The third was to share why I did not choose the other four.
-Why I chose Love: I truly believe with all my being that Love is the most powerful thing in the world. It is also Free.
-Why I chose Peace: Peace is something that is not only healthy for our inner beings but it is simply a better way of life. A better way to example living with gratefulness and being humble. We collectively can only see more if we collectively example more peace. Because I pray for this daily, it resonated with me strongly.
-Why I chose Faithfulness: This one is something I sadly feel is completely disappearing from our generation. No matter what the situation is. Being true and faithful today is so tough to find in realtionships. Not completely extinct obviously but, this resonated with me because of how important being faithful is to me and my morals. That just because being in a world filling with unfaithfulness, does not mean I am pouring from the same cup. I never will actually. I am wired to be a pretty different cookie.
-Why I chose Kindness: You guys being kind is one of the most contagious things you can carry around with you. I believe that. I believe that when you open a door for a stranger they then will do the same for someone else. I believe that when you allow someone out in traffic during rush hour even when you really don’t want too. I truly believe that act will then spread to them doing the same thing. Which can actually lead to less accidents with more teamwork and patience. I believe that when you kindly compliment someone on their attire, their choice in food or even their hairstyle it can alter someone’s entire day for a simple 10-15 words from you. When you take the time to notice things, to be considerate. You would be blown away with what you don’t see happening after that effect kicks in. When you have done something kind and the next person follows that example but you don’t get the pleasure of seeing it. For some reason, I find that more beautiful. Which from another angle you could just say, Kindness is the beauty.
So, now that I have shared with you where my thoughts came from, why this post is happening and the choices made inside of my thought process was shared here with you. I now feel like it is important to share with you why the other four were not the ones I chose. First, let me just start with it was not that the words/actions did not resonate at all. It is that they weren’t as strongly felt for other purposes which I’m going to share.
-Joy: Now with joy, I feel like a huge smile naturally happens on my face when I even say the word. Try it. You see I feel like Joy stems from Love. Because I can only actually speak from personal feelings or experiences. So when I love something or someone I know that it is bringing absolute joy to my life. Basically, to me, Joy is under the umbrella of Love.
-Gentleness: First thing is first, I can be gentle but I am sort of a wrecking ball. Accident prone I should say. Now when I think of babies and puppies, of course, I am gentle. But for a day to day, this word is not so much in my vocabulary. HA! But I do have to say I am good at being gentle with feelings.
-Goodness: Having this inside of you is there. It is inside all of us. I have never had any issues with digging deep and discovering my goodness or even digging in some of the worst people I have ever met and I can always find a piece of goodness in them. I am wired that way. Sometimes it drives others crazy but most times it is a great blessing I was given. Goodness comes naturally to me and to find so it didn’t resonate with me only because I rarely go without feeling or seeing it. No matter how hard.
-Self-Control: You may not agree with me on this one and that is absolutely okay. You can take it and alter it in your own paradigm with the same general aspect. I believe the more you try to control shit in your life the more it won’t go your way. Because I truly, truly with all my guts and insides that God is completely in control of my life and everything that happens. Don’t get me wrong, I have the wheel. But in the end, he knows the destination. So self-control is not on my priority list. Outside of not having a total adult meltdown or a screaming match in public, I feel like self-control is not in our control. Just my take.
So, now that I have shared all this with you and you might be like that was a huge waste of time to read. Or you could have been inspired somehow. Either way, I would encourage you to try this exercise and see what it does for you. For me personally, it allowed me to learn what the Fruit of the spirit was as well as write down and address directly why and why not each one is or is not as important to me.
Writing things down really is magical. X O X O
BY GRACE THROUGH FAITH
journey to the little things