I love you

Love-bug,

I love you. I wanted to open with that because they are 3 words I can never wear out. They are the strongest 3 words I share with you every single day, all day long. So let’s start with the familiar.

You are the light in my night and the day. You are the air that I breathe, the smile I carry and you are my heart. I love you.

You have brought me challenges I did not think I would ever actually win. You taught me what unconditional love is. You have shown me a world I never knew existed. I love you.

With trials comes triumphs but with a child, trials and triumphs lye. I have learned with being your mother that it’s okay to not win every single time. Because in trials through being your mommy there are many triumphs I am able to celebrate and most of the time I am able to share it with you. I love you.

The world is not once what it was when I was a child. When I was a little girl I did not need to have the worries that little girls in this day in age need to worry about. But don’t forget, I will protect you with my life. I love you.

My sweet child, when I say I will protect you. Of course, I’m a physical way if needed. But, I will also protect you by informing you with the truth. Always. Because I love you and the truth will always set us free.

I want you to know that you are smart, brave, capable, intelligent, beautiful, courageous, kind, giving, loving and so many other incredible things. Remember to always share the light of people with them. Because that is what allows even the ugliest stone to shine. I love you.

Never be judgmental, that is not our job.

Spread love. Because the world needs so much more of it.

Just be cautious of what is around you, we never know in this day in age. Which can make the world a little dim sometimes.

Remember how bright you shine and what you are capable of spreading. Just knowing what you can do is the first step to achieving it. You can do anything. I love you.

No matter what in this life, I will always be here for you. I will always have your back and I will forever be proud to call myself your Mommy. I love you.

My blessing, my baby girl, and my whole entire world. You are going to do amazing things and thru that you’ll grow into becoming an outstanding human. I can not wait to watch.

I love you Bug.

Xoxo

To the person who used to be the closest to me. Here is a note for you.

Dear old friend,

Do you remember the time we first met? Do you recall the moment we knew we were friends? I do.

I remember those days with a simple blink or close of my eyes. I remember us being young and so innocent to so many things.

Do you remember when we said, “No matter what, we will always stay close.”

The days we pretty much had no responsibility outside of waking up for school, doing homework and potentially some after-school activities as our parents cooked our meals for dinner.

Middle school and then High school. The days we truly enjoyed all our time being frivolous and carefree. Young and full of curiosity. The days.

I remember when we talked about growing up and having kids or what type of guy we would marry. Tall, dark and handsome of course. Oh and with the light eyes. Ha! How funny I can actually remember that. The common description of a dreamy guy. Haha!

The daydreaming in youth years were so much more believable.

We soon became adults or thought being 18 meant we were.

Tho we loved each other dearly we knew were growing apart. You went your way and I was going my way. It was really hard knowing the truth that we were growing apart with our interests.

My very best friend was slowly dwindling away from me. Even tho the odds of friends from start to end in life is, rare. But I felt something special with our friendship.

Lifestyle, guys and the type of fun we both wanted to have was slightly different.

As time went on, we would exchange words here and there over the years. You would check in or I would. Our friendship was like this bond that no matter what could not be broken. I just did not know that then. So the sadness always was there while we were distant.

I always worried about you. Wondering what you were doing or where you were. Hoping you were happy and healthy.

Years went on and you had children. Later in life, I had one of my own.

After more than 20 years knowing your heart, I am so grateful you are still present in my life. Even after all the distant years.

Distance or not, we are sisters. You are my very best friend and no matter the miles. Your heart is always thought of here back at home.

I love you my forever friend. I just want you to know your special and I’m thankful for our purposeful friendship.

Xoxo

Three different Addresses in under 16 months

I know what your thinking. What in the hell is this girl talking about?!

Yes, you read it right. We have had three different addresses in less than 2 years. Technically it will be Gracie’s (our daughters) fourth residence. When we had her, we lived in an apartment before we ended up with another 3 more addresses in under 16 months.

Here is the story of the first of the three.

We were moving from the apartment into this new duplex we really thought was going to be a huge upgrade for us. Nice big fenced in backyard with beautiful green grass that was managed by a hired company. We were in a bigger space, with an upstairs and downstairs. We really thought this could be the place we stay for the next couple years before we decide to buy a house.

Well after the move into the new duplex we discovered cigarette butts under the carpet, stuffed behind heater vents and a complete issue with mold and insulation. We were bummed non the less. We knew it was an older place and we were okay with that. Being lower rent and allowing us to start saving even more to purchase a home. We thought we were setting ourselves up for success. When in reality we set ourselves backwards quiet a bit.

Water started to leak onto the floors from the walls once winter came and the snow hit. They said it was ice jams. So we went with it, hoping their solution would fix the problem.

Gracie became very ill that winter in 2017 with Influenza A and croup followed along. It was a very scary time for us as she was just a little over a year and her immune system was not as strong as we all know with children. Influenza A had already killed over 50 children that year. We were scared. Long story short she rolled over into the water on the floor and we lost it. We were done. We needed to move and get out of that situation. We were only 10 months into our 12 month lease which lead us to issues inevitability.

Thank god things worked out in our favor. After 10 months during the month of January in the Northwest we moved into a new place. A bigger location as well and it was a townhouse built in 2012 vs a duplex that was built in 1978. So we felt like this again was a great move.

Here is the story to the second move out of the three.

Nice and new. Modern and white. The place was not cleaned before we moved in. The situation we believe to be strange but not our business. Because we didn’t want to pass up this opportunity or this location we moved quick and cleaned it ourselves. Scrubbing walls, carpets, rooms, toilets you name it we did it. Got moved it and we really were enjoying! The backyard was MUCH smaller and the shared space was tight with the neighbors. Even with fences.

Come warm season, about 4 months into living at that location we discovered a whole new issue. Something we would have never ever thought of being a problem. Marmots. We came to find out our backyard was a habitat! Tunnels and all. They came out from hibernation and started hanging around way to much for our comfort. Using our porch for their bathroom and sharing a space with rodents should not be a issue while paying high rent. Especially finding out we pay the highest rent out of all 4 townhouses. Sit on that. These rodents also carry lime disease and rabies. Amongst whatever else they carry around. Apart of the squirrel family and they get big as a cat! I am also really not mentioning all the little things we discovered by living here also. Which are all negative things. Sadly.

Non the less we did what we could.

Traps and just basically trying to live with the problem. Well, we decided we don’t want to. We should be able to go outside with our daughter and not worry whether or not those rodents will be problem. Plus, I really don’t need to be seen running around chasing a rodent trying to protect my child. Ha!

So, here we are 6 months into our lease of 6 months and already have our 20 day notice in. New lease signed at the new place and we move in 12 days from today. Which will be our third address of the three.

Now, I can’t tell you how this is going to work out in this next journey. But, what I can say is this. The owner lives next door, which we really like. He loves his things clean and up-kept. Which we also like. I know the neighbors 2 houses away, there is a nice entrance into the community and every single person around us is incredibly kind and owns their homes! It’s fantastic. It’s a safe neighborhood community we can take walks and enjoy neighborhood events. The cost is lower than where we are now which is just a bonus for us being able to save for our home purchase.

The yard is huge and maintained by the owner which is fantastic! The garage is massive, we have two living spaces, my office is perfect and we still score with two bathrooms. Oh, I can’t forget the fact that the kitchen is amazing! Two times the size then the one we have now. Built-in 1978 which leaves us to have to be smart about lead and asbestos. But, lots of people live in houses that are older and they are just fine!

Tip: If you live in a home built before 1979 I’m going to assume you already know about handling everything. However I wanted too add during warm seasons be sure to wash all plastic toys for your littles regularly. Here is a link about it if you’d like information!

Say a little something nice for us that this is the last move we have until we buy a home.

I hope nobody ever has to be in any situations like we did. Creating us to move around as much as we ended up doing. Besides those that sign up for the moving around, I just am going to take lessons from each move and try to take what I can using it in productive means.

Perhaps I’ll write about tips during multiple moves?

First tip for moving: Never Judge ANY type of book by its cover. 😉

Thanks for reading!

Xoxo

Soul searching or Passion seeking?

These two questions I seriously ask not only myself, but many other people. I find it incredibly interesting to hear others perspectives or journeys. Maybe because I’m a fan of storytelling or simply because I am genuinely interested in other people.

Do you like learning about others? Even if you never see them again. I know I do. The tricky part is getting people to open up and actually share themselves with you. Trust you in a sense.

I get being off-put by such a deep and almost personal question. But, can you argue that the two topics are so compelling and super great conversation pieces?! I truly believe you can tell a lot about a person by their depth.

But I am no professional career lady that can even make those judgment calls. It’s more of a personal paradigm.

Now, I don’t want you to think that I have my soul searching done and definitely not sure I even found my true passion yet. I know that I have a list of things I now know I can not live without. You could say I am fairly passionate about those things all on different levels. But, there is absolutely a large sense of passion in each thing or person.

Soul searching… well, this is something I feel like is all personal outlook. If someone were to ask me if I was still on my journey of soul searching. I would simply say, “Yes.”

Even tho I have a full heart with all the love I have inside for my family. I truly believe soul searching never ends. You should always be filling yourself with the new and fresh things in the world. Fill your soul with all the things around you, learn daily, personally grow all the chances you get and smile during the moments you embrace things to be apart of you.

Does that make sense? Is that too deep? Ha.

I know sometimes people can share their thoughts with me that I am thinking way to deep for my own good. Or, I will be told that my wisdom has exceeded my years. I like that one. I embrace both. Because I know that having an open mind to everything in a literal stance. I believe helps curate your deeper feelings and thoughts. Just my take.

Even tho I mentioned I wasn’t sure if I found my passion with the list of things I can not live without. I still am set believing that unless you have all the time and money to really go out and experience all the things offered. How can we be sure what we truly are passionate about? We can only have a true passion for tangibles. Right? I really would love to hear other people’s perspectives. I am one that obviously has a super open mind and I love other outlooks. It really allows me to see thru others eyes. Which I feel like should be practiced more often in our world.

So, are you soul searching? Do you think it ends? If so, where does the searching end?

Are you sure you found your passion? Are you still looking? Either way, you’ll find something you can’t live without and we tend to be okay with that. Mostly because it’s all we know. That’s okay too. ❤️

Xoxo

Comment below some love if you enjoyed.

The “Moments” with our Kids

Some days I sit and ponder when I have the quiet time. About how fast time just seriously goes by.

I mean, I know we all say that casually. Even tho I know we mean it.

It is a trip just how real and serious that statement is?

I remember being 16, dating my first serious boyfriend and being utterly in love for the first time. I remember being 18 and feeling that overwhelming doubt of being an adult and doing things right. (Which rarely we do) I remember my 21st birthday and those random road trips. Pulling all-nighters and adventuring all sorts of life with my closest friends.

I remember it like it was all happening yesterday. I think of that being pretty special and I am grateful I can remember what I can. Some people go their whole lives either forgetting or just flat out not appreciating life. Allowing it to just, be. I pray for them.

Please don’t misunderstand me or think I’m judging, because I am far from that. What I do pray for, is that they find a a sense of what I see in the one thing a lot of people take for granted.

Time.

We become stuck in a rut of the daily routines, tasks, and responsibilities in our day to day life. I mean don’t get me wrong, it is completely normal and valid. We are only human.

I mean it’s really hard already juggling all that life has and all the things we fill it up with. We now need to be conscious of time?!?

Simple answer and that is, No.

You really don’t HAVE to. You’re not obligated to give a hoot about it if you don’t want to. I just find there is so much fruitfulness in the appreciation of it.

Time.

See, as a mom, I say it over and over again. “My Gracie (——-) is getting SO big, SO FAST! Time is just flying by!”

Sound familiar? (Except you can fill in the blank)

I never put into perspective the difference or that there even was one with, time in general vs time in moments.

Let me explain.

Time in general, is just simply the day going by while you do your everyday tasks and things you do on a day today.

Moments in time are those VERY short, eye blinking seconds. The ones you REALLY don’t want to miss. Not that we are dodging the moments. But, are we embracing them? Are you paying attention? Truly? The little things.

How about the butterfly that flew past your path and made you smile. Perhaps the walk you took and your little one stopped to take a moment to smell the flowers. Are you taking mental snapshots?

I only ask, because I know from experience it’s really easy to get caught up in the “General Time” instead of appreciating the “Moments in time.”

We are human like I mentioned and I believe we should forgive ourselves more often. Move forward with growth and recognition of where we want to be in all aspects of personal awareness. So be easy on yourself.

I felt compelled to share these thoughts with really anyone that reads this. ❤️

Because, I find passion in myself for the value of what time can offer. Especially during this short time frame we have here on this earth. Able too embrace and hopefully experience all it offers.

You can take in what I said or toss it out. I actually will understand both turnouts.

The beauty of diversity✌🏻

Xoxo

Fire Starter

You know those moments you have when you’re sitting there and your thinking to yourself. “I have got to start…”

I’ll leave you to finish the last of that sentence for yourself.

You see, I’m naturally a fire starter. What I mean by that is I LOVE starting things. But, I tend to get really bored really quick. I was never able to find something to keep up with my ever need for frequent change.

I love unpredictable. It’s an environment I thrive on. Perhaps it’s the unorthodox and somewhat chaotic childhood I had. Either way, it doesn’t matter it is just the environment I find interesting. Of course, I don’t want to be sitting in the middle of a gang fight or something absurd along those lines. So let’s be reasonable. Ha!

My point being, I love change. I love trying new things and learning new things. Perhaps it’s the purpose behind why I am as seasoned as I am in life at my age.

Again, either way, it’s apart of who I am and I truly have learned to love that about myself.

For years and years, I would start and stop things. Like I mentioned, mostly because I just got bored. Not enough “happening” I guess?

From trying to make DIY hair clips, handmade and crafted candles out of the kitchen, multiple MLM businesses and quite frankly I am a fan of being my own boss. Never was a good employee, my husband can vouch for that. Unless the job when I worked included a party or some sort of crazy happening.

Well, I lived the party in the bars as I worked with them for many years. So I decide to move onto crazy. Haha

Even tho crazy could be found in the environment at a bar. Becoming a private nanny seemed like a better crazy. Ha!

Now keep in mind I was not a mom yet and not even pregnant when I started. From all the things I tried and dabbled in to create some sort of simple life but with a bigger pay. Honestly, being a private nanny was the FIRST job I started and did not want too quit.

I fell in love with everything about being a nanny and being a mom-type figure. I loved the idea of being a mom. I knew I wanted to be one too. So I stayed a nanny for just shy of 5 years. Same family and it was awesome.

Now my point to this story is I chose when I became a nanny to STEP UP instead of STEP OUT. Because we know kids are not an easy task. Let alone someone else’s children mostly due to boundaries and being human.

For the first time, I stuck it out and fell in love.

Ever since I quit my nanny job when I was about 5 months pregnant. I lost this spark in myself.

Being a Mom Has fulfilled A LOT for me personally and in my marriage. Mostly in positive impacts. But, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I miss the feeling I had when I stepped up instead of nowadays I was stepping out.

Fear, doubt, and less courage happened over time. I became caught up in mundane routines.

Let me remind you guys I am NOT a sit around type of human. I was not built this way. Yet, as a stay at home mom, there are a lot of days we choose to stay in because it’s easier. Don’t shake your head at me, we have all had multiple days this way. It becomes easy to slump into that and stay there also.

Oh, I should probably mention I struggle with anxiety and it keeps me housebound a lot. (This can be another post another time)

So, Stepping up over this last almost 2 years has been really hard for me. It’s been easier to just Step out. Leave the situation, excuse myself from feeling like I need something!

I know I can’t be alone in this? I can’t be the only mom or human that lost themselves, their passions and that firestarter inside of them. Can I? No way… it’s not possible.

Over this last 2 months or so. Yeah I know that does not seem like a very long time. But, it’s the longest consistent time in a long time I have thought really hard about things. I believe all the thinking has allowed me to start my fire again.

The fire starter that WANTS to step up! WANTS to show up and MAKE her dreams and goals happen! The mundane mom inside is disappearing and the fire starter Mom is reigniting.

With my Love for writing and slowly getting better. I don’t see myself ever getting bored out tired out from writing. It’s a never ending change. You can write about anything your heart desires. I love that. I also have started my Podcast which definitely can’t get boring. I really believe this is it. The thing I NEED to keep life interesting for ME. Not as a mom or a wife or daughter or friend. Just me. All the endless conversation that can take place. Forever can stay interesting and fun. I am working on creating a community of moms. Which is growing, slowly. But, I’m okay with that. It keeps it’s organic and the ones that want to be there, are there.

So, watch out world. I’m coming with a fire and I’m coming with a loud voice full of sass, class and lots of smart ass.

(Oh, and of course the mushy stuff too 😉)

Xoxo

Comment below to show some love ❤️❤️

When you begin to discover…

Being a woman in the 21st century is so much work. Am I right?

Okay, let’s just jump right into a lovely story I want to share that will help elaborate my first mentioning above.

It was actually back when I was pregnant and you know the awesome advice EVERY single person has for you. I mean don’t get me wrong I appreciate some of the information. But 90% of the time, I could have gone without knowing the shared stories.

I know we live in an era where literally every single person MUST be heard. Whether it’s true or not I swear people really will try and convince you of absolute nonsense. Ha!

I had someone tell me because my bone structure was small that my actual asshole would tear during birth. Like what in the fuck information are you giving to people if this is the type of stuff your sharing with me?! For heaven sakes. I mean, it didn’t happen to me thank god! But, I mean she seemed sure of it.

I was scared for my asshole for literally 5 months straight after that. Until I delivered and was told my asshole was still intact. ( Serious laughing happening )

Okay, so my point to that story is the nonsense people fed me. Whereas back in the 70-80’s and even before that. Moms are like, “Just get used to wearing a panty liner for the rest of your life.”

But guys, they said it with a nonchalant attitude that should not be expressed with that type of situation. Ha!

Why is heavens did we change the way we did things?!

I mean, they made sure we were fed and sometimes clean. Oh, and of course whooped our asses out of bed for school because, you know they didn’t mess around with the whole stay at home mom thing. There wasn’t pressure to be THE influence on your kids.

We are now left to trust no one, question everything and taste before we even give.

I started a blog for me to speak my voice, write my thoughts and be ME.

Not that I am perfect at that yet. Or, have it all figured out with what to share and what not too.

Mostly due to the opinions of family and not wanting it to damper my image.

Isn’t that sad? It brings me back to the difference of moms today and moms back then. Moms in the 21st century vs moms back in the baby boomers days.

Judgment was still existing. However, trust was a lot easier to come by. Questioning things happened less often and back then children were even able to play in the backyard without the voices of everyone around them telling them to “be careful.”

I know my posts can sometimes be all over the place. But in the end isn’t our writing reflection who we are and how we feel.

I am defiantly going to be the first to admit I am always all over the place.

I hope you stick around to keep reading my thoughts and feelings when I’m brave enough to do so.

Anyways, these were just some feelings and thoughts I was having. Comment below with any feedback or feels you share!

Xoxo

The Godly Chic Diaries

BY GRACE THROUGH FAITH

Less Than More

journey to the little things

Phoebe, MD: Medicine + Poetry

Health • Inspiration • Life