Posted on November 19, 2018
All the choices
The questions spiral most days. They can transpire into good or bad but, most days I spin my wheels trying to decide. I have always been a creature of solution seeking. Trying to figure out the best way to solve the troublesome issue that either repeats itself or is simply a one-time occurrence.
When my hair is flat I use hairspray and tease it like I am a sexy lifeguard off Baywatch in the 80’s. If the batteries run out of juice I simply grab another toy and use those batteries. Simple problem solving yet, people fret about these things instead of just fix the issue without bitching. We all know in this day in age tho you can not have a day without a complaint of some sort. Why do you ask? I have no damn clue. Let alone I really don’t get why you wouldn’t want to just have a day without something shading your sunshine. Right?! Nope. But, you’d think so!
I wonder day in and day out tho when I make choices if I am making the right ones. Or if there really is a right one.
Raising another human is seriously a lot of responsibility and pressure. Not always in a heavy way but, let us be real. We are shaping the life of a person that will eventually have a voice in this world. I don’t want to raise a dick. Right? Ha! ( Light hearted joke)
I mean when Gracie is sick or gets a rash is it just something we let work itself out and it will go away? Or do we call the doctor and do what every single mom does in this day in age. Worry that what Google is telling them might be that their child will die over some red splotches. You get what I am saying yeah?
Truly every single day I am fretting over whether or not I am making the right choice. But, besides the basics of right and wrong in the world. Who is the hell made the “Right” list? Like, as in how things are supposed to be done. Why do I and possibly you feel like we have to doubt if we are making the right choice to stay home or go back to work? Perhaps it is as simple as putting your kid in speech therapy at two or at three. Do we disservice them by doing it our way or listening to the doctors? Is it really going to matter if they eat that handful of dirt? Will the finger in the socket really kill them or teach them a lesson to stop pulling the protectors off? (I’m kidding) Can you feed them a piece of popcorn at two or are they really going to choke and die?
I mean you guys, the list goes on and on with what choices we make day in and day out. Are we overprotecting or are we simply encouraging to make smart choices and be aware of things? Should I be so worried about teaching my daughter all the bad that is happening to women in our day today? Can I just not tell her the bad and horrible things to protect her mindset or am I honest so that she is informed?
In reality, we are all fighting to make the choices we think are going to be the best ones for our kids. Heck even making choices for ourselves every single day can be stressful. Depending on your job or just the position your in with life currently. Choices have so much impact on the conclusion for ourselves and others. I find that being aware that choices are powerful really help me at least alleviate that scared feeling of making the wrong choice.
In the end my friends, we are not in control of the end result. In my paradigm, God has reins on that one. No matter the shift in direction by choice. If something is meant to happen or be, God will bring you back too it. Even if the battle isn’t always pretty, in fact, it could be a bloody mess.
Is the fight worth it to you?
Posted on November 17, 2018
Is there an answer sheet?
Do you remember the days when you would get up at hit the road with your pals? The endless road trips and memories created. But mostly, do you remember not having cell phones with GPS? When we had one person holding the giant paper map to navigate where the hell you were going. If you never did this its either because you never took a road trip needing a map or you were born once GPS was carried around in our hands at all times.
I can remember when I took my first road trip to California from Washington state and I was nineteen years old. The details aren’t important outside of remembering to hold up a huge paper map and navigate. For someone who failed geography, I should not be in charge of navigation. But, we got there and I actually did a pretty good job! So anyways I thought perhaps I was not alone in the era of paper maps.
Sitting here the other day and wondering what I was doing. Not just with my moment but, with my writing and my podcast. Basically, what is my goal and how will I get there? I began to panic a bit because for someone that stays at home all day and brings in no income can easily feel like they are failing at life. When you see people just having a simple 9-5 job and idolizing the independence they can feel.
Even tho I know that raising my daughter is seriously an important responsibility and privilege. But, if you feel like I do I am sure that little explaining is needed. For those of you that can not relate, perhaps reading on you will be able to.
I have spent the last year writing and trying to learn this blogging world. I know that the never-ending blogging world is always shifting and changing. So much to learn and take in when you want to move forward with success. I mean I literally have nobody to actually sit here and teach me properly. Lots of people think they can teach but, it takes a specific character and amount of patience to teach someone. Basically, I am self-taught with everything and somedays I doubt my abilities. I doubt that I will ever be able to narrow down just what I will offer readers to create some type of career from writing. Will I write an e-book? Will I teach courses? Will I create templates or simply sell stock photos? I mean I suppose I could write for other people and make posts about topics to get short-term pay. But, let us be real if you are like me and you are trying to make something from nothing then I bet you are feeling what I am saying.
I might sort of be all over the place but, if you have never read anything of mine before I can sometimes have a squirrel type attention span.
So badly I feel this thing inside of me that wants to scream. I don’t know if that even makes sense but, its there and its real. The feeling is powerful and big. Sometimes I feel like my brain is so busy it is hard to organize my thoughts and then I get worried I won’t move forward because I am completely unorganized. Not on purpose but simply because I am doing my best and I really have no help figuring it all out. Which honestly is totally okay, its just a bit harder and might take me a little longer to figure it all out.
In all honesty, if I did things the traditional way it would probably be easier but, that is far from who I am.
Writing is absolutely where I belong. Podcasting is a place my personality can be heard and not just read. Between the two I really hope to reach all arrays of individuals and pray that I can inspire them or encourage. Perhaps when they listen they or you can feel not so alone by tuning in with myself and my co-host or simply by reading something I have written.
I mean, am I alone? Are you feeling anything that I feel? Do you wish when you sit at your desk that maybe you could just view the ocean or even better be at home in your pajamas loving on your littles with no stress about anything because, you just don’t need too anymore, for whatever reason?
I see so many moms in the world that pull together these incredible communities of people together. Creating a business along the way and that is what I intend to do. I have no idea how, I have no clue if I am even in the right vehicle to get there but, I won’t give up.
This feeling to be a part of something big, to create and feel like I am living my best life by including hundreds of thousands of people all around the world! I hope that my writing and podcasting is what does that for me because I feel it in every fiber of my being its where I belong. I know that with all of this can come other opportunities and that is also something I hope for.
IF LIFE HANDED YOU A PAPER MAP TO ALL THE ANSWERS, WOULD YOU TAKE IT?
(Comment with a Yes or No in the section below)
Some days I just feel really lost only because I don’t have the answers and that makes me feel less in control of what the hell I am doing. Are you like that?
Feeling conflicted between the good and bad angel on my shoulders. One telling me to give up on what I am working towards and the other one telling me that I am magnificent and capable of all things.
Obviously, I am a badass and choose to push thru the garbage. But I mean I am only human. So are you, so don’t beat yourself up when you stumble because, failures are one thing I have learned that actually are the mold to holding the success together. What we learn NOT to do, is what helps us leap forward with what too do. Make sense?
Anyways, perhaps you can give this a like or a comment if you to have ever felt doubt or lost in your path. Trying to figure out what the hell you are doing with, what you are doing.
Don’t give up. You will get there. Its inevitable if you walk the road long enough you arrive to the destination.
Posted on November 13, 2018
Did you know that every single day there is a National Holiday? Did you know that a lot of those holidays are really awesome and give a reason to have a daily celebration! It is like living the life of a Troll! Ha!
Did you notice that a ton of people across the world are asking, begging and pleading for more peace in the world? I mean, if you are not aware that people actually want that, well then, your head has been in the sand far too long. We are crying out for it! I just think perhaps our tactics and skills may be a little teetered. I mean, no one can expect anyone to know how too ask for peace properly, yeah?
I mean this is a really great example of Peace, right? Because this is what we continue day in and day out. (Sarcasm)
How are we ever suppose to create peace with judgment? Simple. You do not. With the finger-pointing in this day in age we are so shielded from seeing anything other than finger pointing.
Democrat or Republican. Black or White. Christian or Buddhist. Honest or a Liar. Broken or Healed. Rich or Poor. Young or Old.
The judgment needs to end in order for there ever to even be a chance, a shot in hell to accomplish peace. Will there still be war? Yeah, probably because, that is above the generalized population. Collectively the part of the world who is most impactful is us and by the way, there is a lot more of us down here in the real world. Peace can be created as simple as a flower opening for the first time.
Peace is inside all of us and if we took the time to properly manifest that and inspire others to do the same. I believe, Peace could be created. With peace comes the celebration of November 13th.
Which I truly believe can stem from the creation of Peace and of course the longevity of that. However, it takes work and a lot of it to maintain balanced peace to create more kindness. Don’t you think people would be nicer if the world was a bit more peaceful?
Anyhow these were some thoughts that came to my head and since today is the celebration of World Kindness. I wanted to shed some of my personal thoughts and feelings.
Hope you enjoyed or perhaps were simply encouraged to go out and shed some genuine kindness in the world today!
Posted on November 11, 2018
I live in the Pacific Northwest and it can get pretty cold here during the winter season. But not just that, also we have had a huge increase with more violent flu’s and of course your general viral shit. With the controversial topic about vaccinations and whether or not too could be a playing factor. We will never know, even if we think we do…
No, my advice is not to fix yourself with the flu shot. Even tho I get one every year and sometimes they aren’t successful all the way. Like last year my daughter got Influenza A but she had gotten her flu shot. What in the heavens! Well, just because you get it does not mean you are fully protected. The scientists that create the flu shot do their best and shoot for what they think will be affecting the population. However, this is just what I like to believe and it is up to us if we want to inject ourselves or not. That’s on us.
Now what I will tell you is I have only been sick maybe 3 times in almost 10 years. Legit. I have had the flu shot every year for the last 9. My husband who obviously lives in the same house has even had a full on flu or even a complete sinus head cold. I never got sick. I kept Gracie healthy and neither did she. Gracie has been only sick 3-4 times in her almost 2.5 years of life. I think that is pretty good. Now, I know a lot of people think exposing their kids to sickness will build their immune system but I don’t agree with that. It might be true but Gracie has been around her sick dad and others that were sick and she never got it. I like to believe she is just healthy and I think its really weird to not think your kid already has an immune system when they are born. That is nor here or there I just don’t purposely take my girl out and around sick folks. Seems weird to me.
Well, I thought perhaps for those of you who might be walking into your cold season for the year, live somewhere where it is always cold or maybe your just in your season of freeze and sickness right now. Either way, I thought perhaps my habits to stay healthy and NOT sick would be helpful for someone else out there that just wants to feel good as often as possible.
My short List
- Wash your hands frequently. This one feels like everyone knows but doesn’t do it often enough. Invest in NICE soap at every sink in your house thru the cold season. As often as you should be washing your hands may get dried out. (Side note tip about the soap, get the stuff with coconut oil or a simple foam pump) Here is my absolute favorite hand soap currently.
- Lotion by the sink. I also always carry around a small container of lotion either in my purse or my car. The drying out from washing will appreciate the extra moisturizer. Absolute favorite for chapped hands in the cold season! Worth every penny!
- Anti-bacterial wipes and for hands. I know you are probably like, “Whoa women!” But I am telling you, it is a simple thing to keep in your car or in your purse. I even have small ones and a couple of pump style ones in my house around the sink areas. They are a quick way to just sanitize temporarily. Still be sure to wash your hands as soon as you reach a sink. The wipes I keep for all things you can imagine. Hand foot and mouth disease goes around like wildfire with kids and I have seen what that stuff looks like. Also, it looks painful as ever! So just that one small thing I make sure I do my best to wipe down the carts at stores that are shared so frequently. Favorite Hand sanitizer for around the house. I also keep the small purse size from Bath & body works with me.
- Hydrate. Yes. Being sure your body is hydrated and replenished with what it needs is so vital to not just your day and feeling good. But it also keeps your health just that much better! Also, ladies, your skin will thank you for it!
- Eat healthily. Okay, I get that life is life and we do our best to maintain a good eating habit. However, I can not be more serious then a heart attack when I say this, “Food is the fuel that keeps your engine running smooth.” Just like putting premium gas in a sports car and not regular. Treat your body like a sports car and it will thank you with good health.
- Exercise. Being sure we are heart healthy and strong is important on many levels. Being active is good for our endorphins which can lead to releasing good energy. Which I believe mind over matter can lead you to make yourself healthy! Try it!
- Vitamins! Okay, so many people will not pay the money for genuine supplements. So many brands are filled with, fillers that it is honestly hard to weed out the crap ones if you aren’t aware of what your reading. This is my suggestion with vitamins, you do not need to agree or go hunt for it. I believe in working with someone personally that sells it. Like a multi-level marketing business of some sort. I know there is a gazillion out there, do your research, find a gal or guy who is informative and educated in what they have to offer. Ask questions and know what you are looking for or how to ask. Because supplements can be a HUGE playing factor in a better lifestyle for a massive amount of people.
- Lemon. This is one I do religiously. Warm water with your choice of lemon. I use Young Livings Lemon Vitality essential oil in my water. One drop and it is SO amazing for your inners! Lemon is literally good for so many things in your body and your health. You can simply use a fresh squeeze from a lemon and not worry about spending on the oils. Keep it simple if you like.
I challenge you to try this method every day for 30 days. Come back and tell me about your experience.
-Cup of warm water with an added TBSP of lemon juice or 1-2 drops of YLEO lemon vitality.
Thank you for reading and I hope I could share and shed some light on maybe keeping you a tad healthier this cold season. Do you have any tips or tricks in your household? Comment below.
Posted on November 11, 2018
This is Dedicated to my Dear Friend who was gone too soon
I love you Scotty
It was March 6th when I had received an early phone call from a childhood friend. We really don’t talk on a regular and I was busy with Gracie at the moment. I ended up calling him back and the sound in his voice wasn’t normal. He asked me how I was and if I had a minute. Of course, I did, so he then continued with a tremble in his voice. I have known this boy since he was 12 years old so, I knew when something was wrong. He then started to cry and tell me that our very, very dear friend had died.
Just typing this is really hard. But I just had to write about him and I felt like publishing this on a day of recognition for our Veterans was more than suitable. I am genuinely going to just write to you as if we are sitting down talking about how incredible he is.
During this conversation on the phone, the obvious questions were asked, “What happened? How? Why do you think it did? Who was with him? Who found him?” I mean the questions were just rolling off my tongue and they wouldn’t stop accumulating in my mind. I quickly got the number for his mom and called her. Trying to see when she would be here and what I could do to help. She is such a strong and resilient women.
Scott was an absolute jokster! He was so incredibly conceded and sassy as ever. Ha! He was protective, smart, strong, encouraging, helpful, genuine, kind, accepting, loving and he was so irreplaceable. I just wish he knew all those things. I just wish I could have told him more and told him that he was worth it. He was worth the fight, he was worth having a magnificent life and that he was meant for greatness.
I would tell him to his face that he is not his past, he is not defined by the bad choices that he made or makes, that he is fooling himself to think he is anything but incredible and that he is really loved by a lot of people. I would tell him that I was sorry that after the last dinner he came to with my family I should not of let him leave the way he was. I know that he was no one’s responsibility but his own. However, I am only human and Scott had a way of absorbing your energy because he was so great to be around when he was himself. I would tell Scott that he is stronger than his addiction and that if he would trust me that I would of help him with his contribution to be consistent and promising.
But, I knew growing up with an addict you can not save them. You can encourage and empower them. You can help point them in directions that can be impactful positively in their life. You can be a tool in their personal toolbox to find and succeed in saving themselves. However, Scott was not an easy convince. He was determined to self-destruct and he was convinced he was not worth it. Or at least his actions showed that too me. I don’t want to believe that he was anything but wonderfully imperfect, flawed but full of love, laughter and so much goodness it could fill the universe. I just wish I could have told him. Scott was incredibly resourceful and he was really creative in the kitchen with food. In high school, he was one of my absolute best friends. I truly loved that kid and still do. He gave me a lot of really special memories along with others and kept me safe. One thing I always, always knew with Scott was that I was safe. He was truly my big brother and honestly, nothing or nobody would be able to convince me otherwise.
I struggle every single day still because it is really hard to truly believe he is not here. Even tho I probably talk his ear off every single day and he can not just leave and not listen as some boys would do that. I’m kidding, another thing Scott was really great at was, listening. Not just sitting there and hearing what you are saying. But, looking at you and engaging. Being present in the conversation and really genuinely listening to you. I find that to be something really special in a person. Because sometimes eye contact and deep conversation can make a lot of people uncomfortable. So when you meet someone that can manage truly listening, keep them close! They are so, so special.
Scott was born to be a soldier. I think that is why all growing up he had such a protective instinct. Either way, he became a Soldier for the US Army and he was a total badass! Straight up. If you were to ask any of his battle buddies about a story with Scott, I bet it is either Heroic or it will make you pee your pants from laughter.
I felt like sharing a photo was honoring to him to show his medals. I don’t know a lot of the specifics of his time during battle or being overseas other than the safe things he would share with me during letter writing or talking when he got home. He always told me he was protecting my mind and didn’t want me to worry about him. Which only made me worry more. I just do not think I told him that I love him enough. Scott did share some things with my mom during his time living with her. She shared a couple of the stories and now I know why he did not share them. I cried for days when I first was told, knowing he had to go thru that. I know that soldiers take that risk when they sign up, but it will never demean the fact that they go thru it. Scott is a hero and will forever be. Along with all of his incredible battle buddies and all the other Veterans all over the world. You are a hero, you are important and you are honored by me.
I feel like I wanted to write this to almost be therapeutic for myself yet, I don’t feel much different. It has been 7 months and 1 day since I received the phone call he was gone. Not one day has gone by without talking to him, smiling at his photo on our fridge, talking about him and thinking about all the variations of things that I wonder on. Going to his apartment the week his mom flew in was irie. I sat in a chair that he sat in and looked out the window that he would view the city sunsets at. I sat on his bed and discovered a letter and some of my items he held onto. I took home some books and things inside of them that are so treasuring. He handwrote notes and favorite reads I will forever keep.
You are so missed Scott and I wish I could have told you sooner that you are the brother that I always hoped for. I wish you were still here because, man, you would have been one heck of an uncle to our little Gracie.
I love you, Scott. Love Boo
Happy Veterans Day to all those whom have served, serving and lost their lives.
I encourage those of you that celebrate this holiday to take a moment to bow your heads to honor those Veterans…
Posted on November 10, 2018
What will I do?
When I was six years old I was absolutely certain I was going to be a professional Dirt bike racer. It was all my heart would pitter patter for. The endless revving, the body armor that made me feel like a superhero, the effortless adventure and of course ALL the mud and dirt! When I turned 12 my direction shifted and I decided I wanted to be a model. As long as it involved me in front of a camera I was all for it. Honestly, I stuck that dream out for a long time. Probably until I was about 20 years old and building my portfolio was so fun! However, with behind the scenes of modeling is not all glitz and glam. At least not for me it was not. Surely with some big crew and if I had become some big deal, I am sure that would have changed.
So, I turned 21 and from there on out it was about partying and bartending that late nights. Creating memories with friends and people I thought were friends. Always a mixture of the both. At that point in my life until I was about twenty-five there really was no direction for me or plan. I was winging it and falling into debt quickly with a careless attitude and double fisting my drinks.
When I turned twenty-six I really starting questioning things along the lines of what I was doing with my life. Where I was headed since at that point I was only a short 4 years from being thirty. This truly started to scare me and create a conversation with Ryan about the topic. Neither of us had a plan or any idea what in the world we were doing.
One thing about me is that I have always been a person that wanted to be her own boss. I wanted to do my own thing. In 2009 I started a candle business and a hair clip business. I started sewing and thought maybe if I handcraft items I could start there and sell home décor or custom clothes. Ha! In 2012 Ryan and I started a Business with Amway and World Wide company under my encouragement of course. Ryan was so far from this personality type but, he went for it with me and we did that for about four years on and off.
During these times of Randoms and not knowing the direction of what the hell I or we are even doing. 2016 gave us a little human and we stopped caring for a moment what we were so worried about. That did not last. Ha!
Where am I now?
Somewhere in between holding it all together and dropping all the china at the same time. Pretty contradicting yeah? Well, that is how I feel and its the best description off the head I can muster up.
About six months after Gracie was born a lot of things came up and we basically we’re back to trying to blueprint our future. Even tho, we know we should have handled this prior to a baby. We can’t win all the battles and once I realized that I think my acceptance altered. What was okay with me and what wasn’t.
For instance, Ryan became much more concerned with money while I am more concerned about when she is old enough to see me and watch. That inside I was panicking because I literally have no example to show her what hard work is or fighting for your dreams. Ya know? So our thought process between Ryan and I were different yet still the same. Of course, I don’t want us worried about money and he doesn’t want me to feel like I don’t contribute. But the fact is, money is tough in this day in age and setting examples is important. Of course, they vary from family to family. But for me personally, fighting for my dreams and making my goals happen. Showing her that and her seeing her mommy fight hard for what I want and to battle against all wall barriers. I want her to truly see me do big things so she can have a foundation to use and see with action that dreams and goals backed up with consistent work can happen!
Being thirty-three and Ryan is thirty-eight we are in a spot where we think about our future considerably a lot. Me being a stay at home mom with no income and Ryan being the sole provider is a lot of stress and weight on his shoulders. He proudly does it and is very grateful for his job and the opportunity we even have that I can be home with Gracie. However, I want more. I want to contribute more than just my time and energy with being a mommy and a wife. Truly I just want success in space for my personal life. I want recognition for hard work in a space that is constantly changing and altering.
I want to supply a way of life financially so Ryan can come home and be with us. I would Love for him and me to work together like we did the first 5 years as a couple. I dream of both of us being home with Gracie yet still being able to have an income that provides a true lifestyle. Is it possible? Yes! Is it hard work? Even more YES! But, if you haven’t read it before in my posts you can read it now, “I can work with possible!” Which is exactly what brings me to my conclusion.
Where I am going?
To the moon! Ha! Just kidding, even tho that would be so sick. I want to share with you that being 33 and truly feeling like I have jumped off a mountain that I can not see the bottom to is scary. But jumping in the ocean for the first time is scary too but, you have got to swim in the ocean and try it at least once. I also believe that if you haven’t tried it, you’ll never know!
If one year ago I didn’t experience the anxiety and some depression I did. The blog I started on a free platform would never have begun. You guys it was so awful but, I did it and even tho it was super scary to even put myself out there. I still did it. After the first post, I felt so liberated and empowered. The lift from sharing some of my life was like taking a fourth of a brick off my shoulders and a weighted rock off my chest.
I had become too introverted into my home that a common conversation really didn’t exist for me. When in reality having a simple hello with someone is normal. But, since I didn’t go out much and was too anxious to even go out alone with Gracie during the days I felt so isolated and alone. I was overweight and incredibly unhappy with the living situation we were in.
Slowly after time, I was coming out of my shell and really seeing light again. I was losing weight and becoming me again. Smiling more in a genuine way, enjoying myself and sound silly but, getting ready for my day. Yes, writing did this for me. Even tho no one really read my posts and when they did it really was not true feedback. Which also leads me to believe they probably didn’t really read the whole thing. Then, it really bothered me but, now it just sorta hurts my feelings. That is progress for me and I like positive progress.
So, If you were to ask me what I want to do or where I am going with my path. I would have to say I am a writer, a podcaster and someone who is aspiring to create. What will I create? Well, I even ask myself this almost daily. Being creative is something you must have if you want to write in my opinion. Something inside of me tells me, “Create.” That word just swirls in my brain along with “Encourage.” So I have narrowed down those two things or words I should say that literally will not leave my brain.
I LOVE creating. With the tools and the proper space, I can create magic! Encouraging people is something that makes me thrive inside! I feel good when I make others feel good. But it is not like a regular feeling when you compliment someone and know you made them smile.
Encouraging someone makes me feel ALIVE! I feel inspired and encouraged myself to keep going and keep being positive. Affirming people in their goals and dreams is seriously where I truly believe my heart soars. Where that space is for me or how I will get there I have NO IDEA. But, I feel like when we are trying to narrow down our path and what we want to do. Narrowing down just a couple of words for me is how I discovered what I should focus on.
I have no idea if this is method or way of discovery but, I do know that once I figured that out my perspective on where my energy goes, changed.
Perhaps if you are struggling with trying to find your way or your passion and literally just can not narrow it down. This exercise could be helpful for you. Once you accomplish figuring out those two to three or heck maybe just one thing/word that you can not kick out of your brain. Do not ignore it! Give it attention and thought. Sometimes nurturing the things we never thought are important end up being our biggest attribute.
Don’t give up!