Posted on April 6, 2018
This really is not a question I am new to asking myself. I remember when I was probably roughly 27 or so, I was at somewhat of a fork in the road. Was I going to continue the night job or move on and transition into a day job? That was big for me because bartending was such a part of me and what I did on a day to day basis. It became apart of my personality, my jokes and the way I had my routine. Everything revolved around being a bartender and what that took. It was not just going to work, clock in and say goodbye. No. See, in the bar scene when you want to work and make that type of money. You gotta hustle. Word of mouth, make friends, go out all the time, and gab to everyone about where you pour and the location of the party. Handing out flyers for events when you had some big thing happening or specials on drinks. I mean the list goes on. Let alone one point in my life I was working the bar for “Country Night.” The owner’s vision was the coyote ugly type stuff, where he would want all the girls to get up on the bar and dance to certain songs. Well, because I was one of the girls behind the bar I had too. It didn’t last long I cant tell you that. Which is probably why I lost shifts? Anyways my point being is that I allowed bartending to become who I was, what I did and how I did everything. Because I thought well, what else will I put my all into. When we know there probably was a list of other options I could have chosen from. But, the money was massive, consistent and I was good. That is one thing I can admit to. I got really good at bottle pouring, being creative with beverages and having that perfect attitude behind the bar that got me the big bucks. We know in the end that is what it’s all about. If you say, “No man, it’s about the party and the friend.” You are so full of shit and I do not believe you. Parties come and Go non stop. Money Flow is what keeps that going. Don’t forget that.
Well here I am
32 years young and as you know I have a magnificent little girl. She is one and half years old and full of spit and vinegar. Including some serious dashes of sass. I was sitting here the other day, or more like months ago. Thinking about what I just told you about the bartending and how I allowed it to consume me and become who I was. Well, I am absolutely guilty of doing it again. I sit here as a mom and a wife, thinking to myself day in and day out that is what I am. Right? I mean I know there are all the things in between, but mostly I am Mom and Wife. At least that is what my brain goes to every single day. Isn’t it crazy what we can adjust to as humans and adapt to what is okay and what is not?
What I am getting at is this, I am a past Bartender. I am also a Wife, a Mom, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend and someone that can offer one more thing. Me. The one title that we forget about in the mix of giving to others. We become those titles, we allow them to guide our choices, our thoughts, and our actions. What happened to not making a choice based on what mom will think, or how your sibling will react. Perhaps the nieces around that look up to their super cool aunt. I get it! I really do, but we are important too. The “Me” should be on the list of who you are. Who I am. You see?
I have recently come to realize
that all of those titles hold extreme value to me, all on different platforms and types of love. The one thing I am working towards is filtering my thoughts and what I like to call washing my brain. It’s so important that the list I place titles, which I carry around. The “Me” title is first. Because in the end, we have got to start giving Self Love. If we don’t have or give ourselves the Love we need, we can not FULLY be happy. Love fuels the soul my friends, it feeds the heart. Just remember that next time you go to do a load of laundry, ask yourself if you are taken care of first. Because that load of laundry is going nowhere. Plus I promise you’ll feel better doing it after you’ve either eaten, drank some sort of fluids, maybe a shower, or perhaps even do your hair and makeup.
I feel happy knowing that I have recognized that I need to start making choices for Me. Not that I won’t still be modest about everything on a normal. But that I find the REAL time to give myself and not feel scared to make choices for me. Not be scared of the consequence because at least I made the choice for ME! I mean honestly, it has been so long I can’t even remember what it feels like to not feel bad about doing something for myself. I mean that in sort of a lackadaisical way. But I guess long story short, as I sit here and sorta giggle. I used to make choices based on what mask or hat I was wearing at that moment. Most times I don’t even need to be wearing whatever mask or hat. I usually am putting more on my plate than I even need to. Only because I care, or want to help in some way. So yeah, I put extras on my plate, but is that so bad? I just need to learn to separate each one properly, ya know? What I do know is this, I know that I love my husband, I am head over heels for my daughter, and my mom is basically my best friend other than my husband. I have many important people I love and cherish so much that I can not even explain into words. But I know that I am important and that I need to be on the list of important.
Because, I belong exactly where I am. That is my realization.
This is where the good Lord wants me, for some reason he placed me right here. Sitting in this hand-made stool that I refurbished with cushion and fabric. The laptop is on my eat-in and I am watching my sweet girl nap on the monitor. Life is beautiful and I feel grateful I know where I belong. Now to work thru filtering my thoughts and washing my brain to keep “ME” at the top of the list. That includes MY relationship with the lord. Since its MINE that falls into the category of Me. He is on the top of my list, so We share spaces a bit. So, I am going to continue working on growth, working towards goals, and relishing feeling proud of myself. Recognizing the problem is the first step to solution. Here I go…
Thank you for reading my friends. If you can relate to this in any way at all, please comment below on your similarities and how you work or worked thru them.
Posted on April 6, 2018
So this is a topic we tossed around. Having more than one child is a big choice. We were together for 8 years before we got pregnant with Gracie. It took us 8 months to conceive her. That was a crazy ride. With things like cost of living, wages, and just your daily survival fees. That's what I like to call the "Stuff" we have to buy nowadays. Fees. I feel like we are charged to even use restrooms in some countries. But hey, I get it. Money makes the world go round. That is the truth. Harsh, yet true.
See, when we initially discussed having a baby it was 2014. I mean we had discussed it previously but it was about timing for us. Even then the cost of living was a lot. We were noticing food cost go up, the minimum wage was skyrocketing with the demands in votes for the state of Washington. I mean, I could say I understand why Washington residents wanted a higher pay. But, here we are resulting in a higher cost of living. I mean I could talk about all states and discuss this topic across the nation. However, that is not the Main talk here. I am here to talk the end reason(s) why we came to this way of thinking.
My husband and I are both children of siblings. Yet, we had no utter desire to have more than one baby. The trying alone was tough on us. In many different ways. So, when we had our first initial talk it was the basics of. Let's try! I was ready at that point and I was pushing 30. My anxiety was rising, knowing I am getting older and my egg count is getting lower. Yet Ryan was supportive of my wanting a baby, starting a family and truly seeking motherhood. He was not quite on the same page. But, he knew he was spending forever with me. So if not now, when? We may not have been in the best or most ideal financial position. But, waiting around for the "Perfect Time" just was not realistic. Having a baby was something I was craving from the inside. My heart was just not....full. I mean my love for Ryan runs deep. But I just did not feel complete.
So, during pregnancy, I tumbled into all sorts of things that were not the ideal pregnancy side effects. But I mean, it is pregnancy. Growing a human is anything other than glorious. I mean don't get me wrong, its the coolest and most beautiful thing that I believe happens in the world. But, man is it a miserable load to carry for 9 months. That is my utter truth straight from my mom mouth. I mean, if things were a breeze for you. You're not human in my opinion. I mean, seriously tho. Who walks around with a giant belly and is stoked about it? Oh, I meant, a moving belly. The pregnancy and all the ugly that comes with it. There are those glorious magazine moments of glowing. But, please lord don't let them fool you. The stuff is tough. If you are reading this now and wanting a baby, do it. (Responsibly of course) If you are pregnant, don't let me scare you or make you feel anything other than how you feel. Also, if you already have kids and you are the non-human mom. Email me, we need to chat. Ha Ha, I mean that with the humblest of hearts. But seriously, email me. Along with the pregnancy at thirty weeks I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I had the pleasure of stabbing my finger three times a day, injecting insulin into my stomach, maintaining a strict diet, and walking up and down 3 flights of stairs 3 times after every meal. Kept my glucose low and kept me somewhat active outside of daily walking. Thankfully I only had that pleasure for 8 weeks. Our little Gracie came at 38.5 weeks.
Outside of the pregnancy ride and all that I was blessed to encounter. We entered Parent-Hood. The glorious days of No sleep, dirty clothes, toy landmines, snot on everything, smelling poop almost everywhere you go, the life of carrying an item that holds urine and poop alongside with some wipes to clean it up. Yeah, we wanted this. We tried for this life. I giggle now. But, in all reality, our house without all those things today. Would be, boring. It is funny how as a Stay at home Mom I say I get bored a lot. Yet, If I didn't have the chaos of motherhood or being a parent. Life would be equally as boring. Just in a different paradigm. Just strange to ponder on. So, while raising Gracie over the last year and a half there have been more things to just help us confirm we made the right choice in the concept of "One and Done."
See, I could get a Full-time Employment job. Where I go and work 9-5 and have a paycheck. However, that would lead us to have someone else raise Gracie. I mean in all reality that is what it is when your littles are left with someone else most of their awake hours. We made the choice while I was pregnant I would stay home and tend to Gracie. We would make the sacrifice with less income so that I could be the main source of influence. Yes, it is a huge sacrifice. we are blessed to even have the option to live on one income. Yet I am yearning to contribute. Living on one Income and the needs of a toddler/child. It is a lot of costs, but also a lot of responsibility. As well as just figuring things out as a first-time parent. Many trials in error moments for us here. That is okay with us tho. We are okay with failing sometimes. Here is what we put into perspective every single time we have hiccups in life. Cost we cant afford, or just, in general, we slide thru by the hair on our chins. Ya know? So, we ask ourselves, "What if we had two?" I mean, that question is heavy enough in moments like that which make it easy as blinking to make the choice we did. Why take from Gracie? I mean yes, I could work and we could work harder or more to make more money. Which then would supply a life for two. However, I come back to who is raising our littles if we are always slaving away to make money for trips we don't have time for because we are to busy working. See that cycle? We do not want any part of it. Which is the end result of why we made our choice with just having Gracie.
It boils down to that one questions every single time we come into a pickle. "What if we had two?"
However.... What will 5 years from now hold?
Too Be continued?.....
Posted on April 5, 2018
Truth be told I don’t have this issue, YET…
Well, I’m not quite there with Gracie but, she hasn’t quite grasped that concept yet. Or, maybe she has but can’t tell me yet. Thinking about that briefly made me sad for her. Bummer when you can’t talk much yet. (Sorta bonus for mom)
Either way, the time comes for all of us parents when we will have to encounter the ”Monster phase.”
Time to check all the scary spots
So first thing is first we already know when the times comes we must come up with a strategic plan. I mean this stuff has to be believable. Toddlers are hardcore and they question everything. I’m not even kidding you. If your little one is at the age of mine where Monster talk is not a thing yet. Bare with me Mama, we can do this. For those of you who have already been thru this stage. Whether that be a quick and easy stage or a long and painful one. You are amazing and I hope you chose to share your story here in the comments. We all need more people to relate to. But, for now, I will continue to share with you my thoughts.
I am not sure what type of reaction Gracie will have. If she will even go thru the long, awful stage. Perhaps she will not be bothered by scary things, and move on with life. Yeah I know I am dreaming. Let me be. Haha
Okay, we have all heard the stories from different little kids as to where the monster came from or who it is. I mean I haven’t lived under a rock. I have had the conversations and encounters with the Monster talks. I was a Nanny for 5 years. However, I am far from an expert. I just know that over the time frame of Monster Mania I had these thoughts. They explained to me the images. Not only were they Blue or Red and bloody, but they were hairy and gooey with mean eyes and horns! I mean, where did they see this stuff?! I was totally shocked with how vivid they explained things. Then again I was raised with horror flicks and had horrible night terrors. So, perhaps that is their story too?
The List you can’t forget:
Here I am going to share with you the items you must have for monster attacks and to keep them away. ( Share this with you little to ensure they know the remedy is real!)
Now the purpose behind the flashlight is to see what the noises are first. We always want to be sure we can see our surroundings. But also we use the flashlight to blind the Monster if it really did show itself. We are not messing around, we mean business!
2. Monster Spray(Smell goods)/Clean Room
This is a must! Monster HATE to smell pretty, let alone even come near anything that doesn’t smell like poop or garbage. (They are such gross things) I hear if you place a fragrant type of item inside your room it helps keep them far away. Sort of like how spiders don’t like lavender. So always keep your room smelling CLEAN. Monsters hate it!
3. Big Kid Voice
Oh, this one… this one is tough. It can be really hard for many little ones. Which is why we tell them to double up on the flashlight or the extra clean room. But, If they do the two listed above with using their Big kid Voice. The extras won’t be needed! Just do a little of each, find that Big kid voice when you feel scared. Out loud all you do is say this, “You are not real and I am brave” Repeat 10 times, flashlight in hand!
1.Check all Dark places
Look under the chair if there is one
Check bathroom if attached
2. Make sure Flashlight is near the bed/inside a drawer next to the bed
Make sure it’s within reach!
3. Spray down the entire Bedroom with the Monster spray
VERY IMPORTANT part. They hate stuff that smells good. Don’t forget that.
4. Practice one time before bed with you Big Kid Voice.
Its very important to gain the confidence before bed. You will rest easier knowing you did voice warm ups. Perhaps the pre warms ups help keep the Monsters away even better…
I hope you found this helpful! I hope while you read this over with your little one they felt a little comfort and a tad tougher. Be sure to get your list and don’t forget the extra batteries! (Find those at any local store)
Posted on April 3, 2018
So we have all been there sitting in some sort of business waiting room. Maybe sometimes you got lucky and the whole time you had to wait, no one came in. Those are the times you can relax and know that no one is staring at you in some creepy way. You know, the times you look over and either some guy is starring, women is glaring or a child is doing that stalker stare. Ha ha! I mean of course there are glory times when you get the somewhat more normal and mannered individuals. But I mean there are not many of those left. (The combination together anyways) ha ha! Besides what is normal? I mean that light heartedly, but let’s be real.
So here I am, waiting for my massage and chiropractic adjustment. I have the desk lady that is working, a Physical therapist, a massage therapist in their room, and the chiropractic specialist. Which of course they had clients. So I am the only one sitting in the room but the Office assistant is behind the computer. I can not see her face because the monitor is blocking it. So I’m like, okay I guess we just pretend we aren’t in the same room with anyone and we can just go about our business. So I play on Instagram, Facebook scroll and then do some inner brain thinking of what I’m going to write about. Then I look up and there she is! (The desk gal) So I share a smile and nod. Weird right? Why do we do that? Moving on from that awkwardness…
I share that mostly because I was giving a visual example of just ONE person you encounter within the business establishment as you wait in the waiting room.
So as I was pondering what to write about I thought, “Waiting rooms are full of…” There arose my idea.
So I collectively gathered some moments in time that I have encountered while sitting in waiting rooms.
Okay, so even as Parents we still get grossed out, or just don’t want to be around another sick kid. Right? Or am I awful and I’m completely alone in that… I mean, I get it! You gotta take your kid with you when you got shit to do. Not much around those type of times. You just have to go and know you gotta take your sick kid around other people. Its okay to feel bad about it and its also okay to do it. I mean you have too right? Now, if you DO NOT have to take them out. Please for the love of God, save us all the germs and keep their little tushies home.
So we already sorta talked about the employees that come and go, the clients that are in and out. Which brings me to the patients that actually end up in those awful uncomfortable waiting room chairs. (most times) We always have to make eye contact and you know there has to be an exchange of a smile. Mostly because I’m a good person and just want a positive vibe around me. So yeah, I walk around smiling at strangers because I would rather do that than be weird by making eye contact and doing nothing. (Picture that for a moment…) Picture making that direct eye contact and just having a blank face. How weird. Isn’t it already uncomfortable enough that we gotta make eye contact. I’m here to get naked and rubbed down, then cracked all over my body. Isn’t that enough pressure! Haha
Let’s talk about just one conversation that happens within that waiting room…
Example, Guys sitting next to me with his daughter who is like 14 or so. They are talking about how she got caught naked with her 16-year-old boyfriend. I’m literally sitting right next to these people. So, um… what the hell am I suppose to do? Just sit there. That is exactly what I did. (Laughing so hard right now) Seriously tho, am I suppose to bust in the conversation and really speak that there’s a time and a place for those talks. In all honesty, I get the talk and how being upset is validated FOR SURE! But, wouldn’t you agree there is a better time for that discussion. especially when there is a stranger sitting RIGHT next too you. Need I say more?
Smells. Oh man, I know you all know what I’m talking about. My best friend drove me to one of my chiropractic appointments. When we got there, no one was around and it straight up smelled like booty. I mean we were for sure someone was having some dirty sex somewhere. As the Patient comes out of the massage room, we instantly think… Ooooh, they were doing it! Ha Ha. Well, of course, two moms would instantly think that, right? Good lord we need our minds washed and dried. So, we ended up putting into perspective that we were in a SPORTS chiropractic establishment. Yeah, so it was the end of the day and the place smelt like booty because of all the people that were there that day. Once again I am laughing so hard right now.
So those are just a few things I have come encounter with while waiting in the super fun, interesting and fragrance filled rooms.
What have some of your experiences been? If your up for it, please share in the comments below. Thanks!