Dear Fellow Mom,
Today I was reading a letter from someone very dear to me. It brought tears of sadness, yet I was able to also share some tears with a smile. I share this with you today my fellow mom because while I was reading that letter. I took a moment to pay attention to how I was feeling so, that I could address how to feel better. While I came to the conclusion reading that letter I felt Empty, because I was missing the person that wrote it. Yet, I also felt a heart full of love for this person. For some reason, feeling those two things at that moment made me think about other Moms. How do you ask? I am really not 100 percent what actually led me to this analogy or thought process. Sometimes things just happen with absolutely no explanation. But let me try to explain the best I can.
Fellow mom you are not alone. That is where I would like to start. I know in the hustle and bustle of life we can forget the simplest of things such as remembering we are not alone. We as moms need the reminder every so often because our brains start to resemble what I like to refer too as “Tracers.” Can you relate? It can be tough juggling life and all that it throws at you. I know because, well I am alive too. I am not sure if you are a stay at home mom, a part-time working mom, full time working mom, or the OVER TIME career working mom. Either way in my eyes your on the same platform as me. You’re a Mom. No matter how busy or not busy you are, the feeling of emptiness happens. I just wanted to tell you, “It’s okay, to not be okay.” No one is going to judge you for feeling empty or alone. If someone ever was judgemental or mean to you for expressing that, I am so sorry. For me personally, all that validates is the person that judged you probably need a hug more than you do. I truly believe we need to stop the thought process that if someone is rude or cranky we automatically turn to sourness. That to me is the vicious circle I see happening with moms today. Yet here we are on facebook, blogs, tweets, Instagram and just internet in general. I see it everywhere. Moms complaining, crying, fighting and just plain being nasty to one another. Why? Why are we doing this when collectively if we all paid more attention we would see, that we ALL are saying the same thing. We just all deliver it differently. If only we could open our minds and be kind to one another. TRY and understand that we really all are fighting the same battle. Mom Life is hard. It does not make you weaker or less smart. Its just the way it is and there is absolutely no correcting the fact that raising a human is a lot of work. Feeling Empty sometimes is natural and normal. We as mothers give A lot out and we naturally do it with love. (Most the time) So I guess I wanted to just give you that little reminder that you are not alone, and its okay to feel empty sometimes. Just don’t forget you’re important and it is okay to give yourself grace. I encourage you to be easier on yourself and do more of reminding yourself how strong you are.
But, I suppose in the end if we only absolutely have to encounter feeling Empty, at least we can see the bright side that we have a Full Heart.
Another Fellow Mom
It’s 2018 and yet we still have yet to find a proper way to navigate while we shop. You see, shopping carts are only a mere way to keep your child(ren) in an over-sized basket and basically, so you don’t have to carry your items. Convenient? Yes. So I was shopping with Gracie the other day. That is my daughter for those of you who don’t know. First off why as parents do we always give in to handing the little one something, off the shelf to keep them occupied? I mean don’t get me wrong, its pretty simple for me right now at Gracie’s age. She likes soft things, so I just usually find some cheap throw blanket with a fun pattern. She always falls for it and it usually is only like $3. Win! For now.
I know once she turns 3 and older I am guessing. The demands are gonna get higher and I don’t just mean a bigger toy. I mean higher in cost. Ha Ha! Lord knows we can only do what we can do. I cant buy a dang barbie every day. So whats a Mom to do? Well, I wouldn’t be so upset if I could be gifted a seed to grow a Money Tree. I mean, I will do ALL the work. I will dig the hole, I will plant it gracefully, I will water it every day, and I will keep it happy and healthy. Please? Lord… Please. Ha Ha.
Also, I have noticed that carts come in handy for a short list of reasons. But one thing they are not good for is fitting in the isles they are made to fit in. I mean goodness, I understand space is money. However, the customer is the money. Which entails us to space, am I right? Those carts and I will always have a Love/Hate relationship. Plus, most the time the buckles are busted for Gracie’s seat. Where is the maintenance? Ha. So with that in mind, I firmly believe that in order for there to be any sort of direction or guidance thru the chaos of shopping. It should be the placement of shopping lights. YUP! I said it. Red light, yellow light, Green light… Go!
I mean, can you picture that? Ha Ha. Future shopping? I guess only time will tell.
Until then, I will continue daydreaming about that Money Tree.
There are a lot of types of people in the world. Those people all go through many stages in life. Here are a few of mine…
See I have had all sorts of stages in my life at my young age of 32. From the rebellious teenager to the know it all 20 years old. Then I moved into being able to legally enter a place of the party. If your unsure what I am referring to, its “The Bar”. Yeah, those many stages we go through in life as soon as we hit that lucky number 21.
First I was the girl that was introducing herself to the bar. So I would have some beer and mixed shots. That was the stage one. Pretty mild and subtle. There were nights I would have more mixed shots than beer. Those nights led to… I’m not so sure. But, I woke up alive and in my warm bed. Most mornings anyways. Tip: Steer clear of any and all sugar in the bar. Sugar leads to the massive hangover in the morning. You’re Welcome.
Stage two, I’ve moved on from beer. I have now accompanied my mixed shots, with mixed drinks. Now, for those of you who attend a bar regularly or have been. I’m sure you have heard of a promising beverage called a “Trash-Can.” Yes, you know what I am referring to. If you don’t and you go out one night. Maybe your feeling a tad extra… Go ahead and order yourself ONE trashcan. Tip: Just One. This stage was already leading to some incredibly inappropriate nights and many things I would like to not admit too. However, I will share this one story while I was flirting with this stage in my life. I was 22 and it was closing time at the local bar I attended frequently. I knew everyone, including the workers. ( One of those bartenders is now my husband ) I decided to be helpful and do dishes behind the bar after the bar was closed. I also was HIGHLY intoxicated and I will admit, I like being naked. Ha Ha. I know its really weird, but I have been this way my whole life. So a little liquid courage had me expressing that. Except it really wasn’t the best of places or times to do so. (Sigh) I proceeded to take off my pants and shirt to go and do some pole dancing… (So embarrassing) I still have no explanation for this action. But I ended up doing dishes behind a bar, half naked. Not to mention I ended up working here and marrying the bartender. Who I have been with for 10 years. So if your looking for this sorta courage. Next time order a Trashcan.
Stage Three, trying to wind down. (Giggle) At this point in my stage, I am realizing I need to possibly cut back. So what is a young gal to do when she is trying to make such a choice? Well, she ditches the mixed drinks and moved to Wine and Whiskey. I have absolutely no idea why this remedy felt like progression for me. But it was far from it. In fact, this mix was by far the most damaging for me. Wine is GOOD. Whiskey is even better. But when I put the two together, I was a walking party. Which was something I truly loved. The party was my favorite place to be. Where things were happening and chaos was absorbed so graciously. Weird right? But it was an environment I felt comfortable at the time in my life. Tip: If you are wanting to ACTUALLY grow up, you cant live in this stage…
Now I can keep taking you through my stages. But long story short I basically do not drink now. Pretty sure I haven’t had a glass of wine in 6 months. Not that I look down on anyone that does. I just think I was too hardcore when I did drink. Also being a bartender for 6 of those years had a big playing part in my problem. That now, I just don’t want it. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure there are gonna be tougher days than I even know. Which might lead me to a nice glass of Wine. However, I steer clear of the whiskey. If you know me, you know that its best I keep my hands off that Crown royal. Lord knows I am too much party, even for myself to handle nowadays. Tip:Whiskey is good and so is wine. But I promise your head will hate you in the morning if you share the two together. My body can hardly handle the cardio I give it…
Of course, always Drink and drive responsibly. (Uber may be in a city near you)
Do you get my catchy title? Instead of Momster, it’s Mom-Star. I thought it was rather clever. I know we can all come in counter with the Momster from time to time. But why not own the title Mom-Star? I mean, we are all pretty amazing. At least in my perspective, I see us moms as complete Superstars. But I am just a fellow mom sharing my take on what Nickname we should really be owning.
Being a mom just shy of two years I have had my fair dose of Momster days. However, when I sit here and ponder on the day to day activity and the successes I achieve. I think to myself, I am gosh darn Rockstar! Don’t you ever have that moment of complete validity that you are a Superstar Mom?!
I had a moment of clarity. I remember it clear as day actually because it was such a breath of fresh air. I had so many moments in the beginning. More than id like to even admit. Momster moments are absolutely real and happen daily for a lot of Moms. There is nothing wrong with wearing that name tag for a day, or two if you really need it. Just do yourself a favor and don’t camp out there. I know a lot of moms that sometimes can overuse that term, “Momster.” As if it is a trendy, and cool thing. Which I tend to find humorous, yet sad.
So as I sat there like I was saying at an early age with Gracie. I was so upset so many times that I felt like that Momster energy. I didn’t want that to be the Name tag I would turn to on bad days. It just is such an unappealing nickname. In my opinion of course. Also please know I am 100% guilty of camping out and owning this name tag for months at a time. I just came to realize the psychology behind it. Just took me some mental thinking in order to figure it out. Fortunately, I had some brain mojo one day in earlier motherhood. So my mojo mustered up that if I was going to have to have bad days, why not try and trick myself wearing a different name tag. In which I chose, Mom-Star.
Because in the beginning and end of every single day. I knew I was always putting in 100% and more. I would give every last ounce of energy to my family. Which would leave me tired and restless. Not that I don’t have those days still, I am human. (Far from a robot) But I made the conscious choice to place a name tag on myself, every single morning I wake up. That old name tag I would wear on bad days, to just ensure everyone knew I was cranky or to allow myself too look in the mirror and see everything but what I really am. I am a MOM-STAR! So are you!
See no matter the day, the time, the circumstance. You are a Mom. You are your child’s hero, their safety, their comfort, the gentle hands that rub their face, the ninja moves you learn in order to catch the things before they fall, the maneuvers you pull off, and just the continuous and endless love you give. You are a Mom-Star, a Rockstar, you are anything but a Momster. I hope this sheds some light for you and created a way for you to see you’re not stuck wearing a name tag you don’t want. You can choose! I just hope you choose whats true! Which we all know is, we as moms and we Rock!
Happy 2018 Mothers Day. Here is your Mom reminder that you are So much more than you give yourself credit for. ❤
Let me Explain. You see everyone told me prior to having a baby that I was in for it when they turn two. I’m thinking, okay I can handle some nutty midget. No problem. I got this. Plus I knew that if my husband and I were good at anything. It is working together as a team. We just had that from the get-go of our friendship into our romantic relationship. We re grateful for sure that we can work together so well when it comes to solving problems.
Okay so back on track here. I want to explain that I am here to tell you that the “Terrible Twos” do exist. I’m not there with Gracie yet, but I know it is just around the corner. Plus, I’ve heard it time and time again. Now what I want to share with you is this.
Terrible twos are real. However, the moment you have that little breathing life in your arms. It is tough from the get-go. Day one is all when it really starts. See, this is obviously just my take and perspective. But I mean I feel like Day one they are just little Unicorn Turds. Ha Ha. I mean it in the sense of Unicorns are rare and awesome. But turds are well, turds! So They are Awesome/Rare turds. Ha Ha! I mean I felt like that was a pretty spot on analogy. Either way, I felt like sharing this. Perhaps a laugh will be given, a smile made or quite possibly you feel, just the same way.
I heard one time that someone just wanted “Balance” in life. I’m sitting here asking myself, “Balance? Is that real?”
So here I sit today and ponder on that comment. That sense of balance the individual was seeking. I ask myself, “Do you seek for Balance outside of yourself?” As in, your surroundings. Or, do you seek for the Balance, inside yourself?
See this is the question I keep asking myself. I put myself in different situations that would challenge me to do either balance inside, or balance in my environment. Then, I tried both. Here are my stories and results.
Neither of them make a difference in how I attacked them. Because there is no such thing as Balance.
Okay let me back up. Perhaps you can have temporary balance. As in, everything is EXACTLY how you want it. However, that isn’t going to last. I am not trying to be negative or a Debbie downer either. Trust me, that is the last thing I want. But hear me out.
Balance is an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.
Now, put that into perspective. Having an even distribution in life in all aspects. I mean, are you kidding me. Like I said it can happen for days, or perhaps even a few weeks. But Balance can not be constant. There is always going to be something that is heavier than the other in life. It’s impossible that absolutely everything can sustain a even proportion to create balance. Yes, I am being technical. Because to set your mind up to think there is a balance of complete. That is fooling your brain and you will end up being disappointed for that the placement of that expectation.
So in turn here is what I suggest. This is not a professional piece of advice. This is simply my personal take on what you can create, if you are or wanted to seek Balance.
I suggest you prioritize and find the 3 most important things in your life. Find those three things and create a stable foundation. Start with one and move into the next two. Show yourself Grace, and patience. Balance with even one aspect in life is VERY difficult to maintain and keep up with. But that does not make it impossible.
For instance, If you had prioritized Church, Family, Business. This means you would be placing Church as your main priority to find your balance in that aspect of your life.
Which could entail attending your choice of church, being consistent, becoming apart of the community there in church. You see? It really takes involvement for each aspect in life to maintain balance. Otherwise you lack one thing and it throws it all off. Frustrating right? Which is truly why I feel like we are worker bees.
So what I am getting at is simply my outlook and how I see that Balance can not be a constant in life. So to want that, is okay. But to make it a goal? Well, I think your in a for a very, very long road my friend. I won’t tell you it’s impossible to have Complete Balance. I will just say, I don’t believe it’s possible. I am okay with that because it’s allows me to feel like I am challenged. Like I don’t have to be stagnant in life. It helps remind me that if I want to continue feeling that wonderful feeling of Balance when I do get those opportunities. Well, I better stay constant, or the balance won’t either.
Just My Take on Balance.
Over the time that I have been a Full-time stay at home mom. I have come to some realizations. Some of those things not being so fun to face or even deal with. However, there are still many things that are positive and endearing about being a stay at home mom. I just had to learn how to work through the changes that I had never had because I am a First-time mom. Then again I believe we are always learning. I hear that even after the first one, you still end up learning a million new things because of how different each kid really is. Maybe down the road ill know what that’s like.
So, here I wanted to share some things that I found have been helpful for me to be happier through my long, trying, but blessed days as a stay at home mom. Some of these things may or may not work for you. Heck! maybe not a single one will help you feel better at all. But, I truly believe that this list can benefit. even if its just one mom, and you choose one tip from my list. it is worth it!
Here is the List of my 15 ideas to being a Happier Stay at home Mom:
1. Daily Affirmations– Okay, we all know that every single day as humans we struggle keeping up with life. It is just the way it is. So much to do in so little time, right? Wrong. I believe there is ALWAYS time to look in the mirror for 15 seconds and tell yourself something positive about YOU. One sentence, or two. Repeat. Repeat. Tell yourself you are a Superhero and your gonna kick today’s butt. That nothing is gonna get you down! Go ahead. Do it.
2.Read, Watch or Listen to something that makes you laugh– This is so important folks. Being sure we laugh on a day to day is medicine for our souls. I don’t feel like you should even question this one. Just be sure to take 30 seconds in your day and find something funny.
3.Get outside– So we all know about the Vitamin D theory. Which is absolutely true and I believe to be very necessary. However, I think it is the fresh air that is the real secret. If you don’t believe me. Do this task: Go outside for 15 minutes every single day. Sit, walk, run, or just go play with your child. Do that for 30 days straight. Get back to me and let me know how you feel.
4.Dress in something you Love– You need to be sure you are wearing at least one piece of clothing you love. No, I don’t mean do this every single day. I know that is just not realistic. Ha Ha! But this is a great tip when you are feeling off or down any day of the week. Put something you love on and be sure to tell your self just how good you look in it! Go, girl!
5.Eat-Well I know I am completely guilty of not doing this. But we all know this is vital for being a Mom that is home all day. It is easy to reach for the goldfish or the graham cracker that is half eaten. When you run around chasing a child all day you find yourself guilty of eating a lot of random items. However, what I mean by EAT is, eat real food. Nutrition. Food that is substance and will give sustainable energy. Yes, I am talking about fruits and veggies. The stuff I know takes time to prep and clean. But I assure you that you’ll feel better in a week after being consistent and nice to your body.
6.Stay Hydrated– Being hydrated means being energized. It also means your going to make a million bathroom trips. But, at least you’ll be hydrated and able to maintain energy levels. Oh, and your skin stays much clearer! Bonus!
7.Caffeine– Okay so this might counteract the clear skin. But I am only human. Which is why I need caffeine. I believe only robot parents do not need it. If you are a one of those, stay away from me you freak me out. So be sure you take the time to enjoy that cup of coffee, moms.
8.Make a daily chore list– Maintaining a household is a lot of work. But I promise you that you’ll have anxiety if the house is in disarray. ( If you don’t already) Look, I know the house gets messy. But if we maintain the actual cleaning (I’m not talking about the toys scattered aimlessly around the house) it will help shorten Sundays cleaning list. The toys are going to be there for years. What is important is not to leave the stains on the walls and the goo on the floors. Not just because its gross. But because…well yeah, basically just because its gross. Ha
9.Clean Bedding– I swear to this. At night after a long and trying day. There is something magical about clean and fresh sheets.
10.Lipstick! So this is something you might laugh at and I understand if you do. You don’t know what you don’t know. Ha Ha. But no joke as a stay at home mom I can sometimes not feel so fancy. But that right shade on my lips if I feel a mess. It helps me grasp some confidence for my day. That alone makes lipstick a priority in my life.
11.Open windows and let the light in. Even crack the window and let in some fresh air! Because sometimes this is the closest to outside we can get as a SAHM.
12.Buy yourself some flowers– Because fresh flowers can always make anyone smile. It has a sense of brightening your day. Don’t wait around for someone to do it for you. Seek the enlightenment and place it in your environment all on your own. You will feel good you did.
13.Make a list of all the things you are Thankful for– This is PROVEN to make ANYONE happier!
14.Music!! – This is an absolute must. I believe everyone should have this time carved out in each day. As well as making it a priority for even 5-10 minutes of music time. Not just driving in your car listening. I mean actually listening and only listening too the music. It has a sense of healing behind it. No matter the situation or feeling.
15.Smile– Our actions become our habits and our habits become our reality. You can absolutely train yourself to be happy.
Plus it feels good when you walk around smiling, sharing that joy with others will naturally make you feel good.
I hope that these ideas can help lead your day to day to a Happier Stay at home Mom. If you have any Secrets or tips that you have. Id love for you to share.
BY GRACE THROUGH FAITH
journey to the little things