You know those moments you have when you’re sitting there and your thinking to yourself. “I have got to start…”
I’ll leave you to finish the last of that sentence for yourself.
You see, I’m naturally a fire starter. What I mean by that is I LOVE starting things. But, I tend to get really bored really quick. I was never able to find something to keep up with my ever need for frequent change.
I love unpredictable. It’s an environment I thrive on. Perhaps it’s the unorthodox and somewhat chaotic childhood I had. Either way, it doesn’t matter it is just the environment I find interesting. Of course, I don’t want to be sitting in the middle of a gang fight or something absurd along those lines. So let’s be reasonable. Ha!
My point being, I love change. I love trying new things and learning new things. Perhaps it’s the purpose behind why I am as seasoned as I am in life at my age.
Again, either way, it’s apart of who I am and I truly have learned to love that about myself.
For years and years, I would start and stop things. Like I mentioned, mostly because I just got bored. Not enough “happening” I guess?
From trying to make DIY hair clips, handmade and crafted candles out of the kitchen, multiple MLM businesses and quite frankly I am a fan of being my own boss. Never was a good employee, my husband can vouch for that. Unless the job when I worked included a party or some sort of crazy happening.
Well, I lived the party in the bars as I worked with them for many years. So I decide to move onto crazy. Haha
Even tho crazy could be found in the environment at a bar. Becoming a private nanny seemed like a better crazy. Ha!
Now keep in mind I was not a mom yet and not even pregnant when I started. From all the things I tried and dabbled in to create some sort of simple life but with a bigger pay. Honestly, being a private nanny was the FIRST job I started and did not want too quit.
I fell in love with everything about being a nanny and being a mom-type figure. I loved the idea of being a mom. I knew I wanted to be one too. So I stayed a nanny for just shy of 5 years. Same family and it was awesome.
Now my point to this story is I chose when I became a nanny to STEP UP instead of STEP OUT. Because we know kids are not an easy task. Let alone someone else’s children mostly due to boundaries and being human.
For the first time, I stuck it out and fell in love.
Ever since I quit my nanny job when I was about 5 months pregnant. I lost this spark in myself.
Being a Mom Has fulfilled A LOT for me personally and in my marriage. Mostly in positive impacts. But, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I miss the feeling I had when I stepped up instead of nowadays I was stepping out.
Fear, doubt, and less courage happened over time. I became caught up in mundane routines.
Let me remind you guys I am NOT a sit around type of human. I was not built this way. Yet, as a stay at home mom, there are a lot of days we choose to stay in because it’s easier. Don’t shake your head at me, we have all had multiple days this way. It becomes easy to slump into that and stay there also.
Oh, I should probably mention I struggle with anxiety and it keeps me housebound a lot. (This can be another post another time)
So, Stepping up over this last almost 2 years has been really hard for me. It’s been easier to just Step out. Leave the situation, excuse myself from feeling like I need something!
I know I can’t be alone in this? I can’t be the only mom or human that lost themselves, their passions and that firestarter inside of them. Can I? No way… it’s not possible.
Over this last 2 months or so. Yeah I know that does not seem like a very long time. But, it’s the longest consistent time in a long time I have thought really hard about things. I believe all the thinking has allowed me to start my fire again.
The fire starter that WANTS to step up! WANTS to show up and MAKE her dreams and goals happen! The mundane mom inside is disappearing and the fire starter Mom is reigniting.
With my Love for writing and slowly getting better. I don’t see myself ever getting bored out tired out from writing. It’s a never ending change. You can write about anything your heart desires. I love that. I also have started my Podcast which definitely can’t get boring. I really believe this is it. The thing I NEED to keep life interesting for ME. Not as a mom or a wife or daughter or friend. Just me. All the endless conversation that can take place. Forever can stay interesting and fun. I am working on creating a community of moms. Which is growing, slowly. But, I’m okay with that. It keeps it’s organic and the ones that want to be there, are there.
So, watch out world. I’m coming with a fire and I’m coming with a loud voice full of sass, class and lots of smart ass.
(Oh, and of course the mushy stuff too 😉)
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BY GRACE THROUGH FAITH
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