What If we had Two?

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So this is a topic we tossed around. Having more than one child is a big choice. We were together for 8 years before we got pregnant with Gracie. It took us 8 months to conceive her. That was a crazy ride. With things like cost of living, wages, and just your daily survival fees. That's what I like to call the "Stuff" we have to buy nowadays. Fees. I feel like we are charged to even use restrooms in some countries. But hey, I get it. Money makes the world go round. That is the truth. Harsh, yet true.

See, when we initially discussed having a baby it was 2014. I mean we had discussed it previously but it was about timing for us. Even then the cost of living was a lot. We were noticing food cost go up, the minimum wage was skyrocketing with the demands in votes for the state of Washington. I mean, I could say I understand why Washington residents wanted a higher pay. But, here we are resulting in a higher cost of living. I mean I could talk about all states and discuss this topic across the nation. However, that is not the Main talk here. I am here to talk the end reason(s) why we came to this way of thinking.

My husband and I are both children of siblings. Yet, we had no utter desire to have more than one baby. The trying alone was tough on us. In many different ways. So, when we had our first initial talk it was the basics of. Let's try! I was ready at that point and I was pushing 30. My anxiety was rising, knowing I am getting older and my egg count is getting lower. Yet Ryan was supportive of my wanting a baby, starting a family and truly seeking motherhood. He was not quite on the same page. But, he knew he was spending forever with me. So if not now, when? We may not have been in the best or most ideal financial position. But, waiting around for the "Perfect Time" just was not realistic. Having a baby was something I was craving from the inside. My heart was just not....full. I mean my love for Ryan runs deep. But I just did not feel complete.

So, during pregnancy, I tumbled into all sorts of things that were not the ideal pregnancy side effects. But I mean, it is pregnancy. Growing a human is anything other than glorious. I mean don't get me wrong, its the coolest and most beautiful thing that I believe happens in the world. But, man is it a miserable load to carry for 9 months. That is my utter truth straight from my mom mouth. I mean, if things were a breeze for you. You're not human in my opinion. I mean, seriously tho. Who walks around with a giant belly and is stoked about it? Oh, I meant, a moving belly. The pregnancy and all the ugly that comes with it. There are those glorious magazine moments of glowing. But, please lord don't let them fool you. The stuff is tough. If you are reading this now and wanting a baby, do it. (Responsibly of course) If you are pregnant, don't let me scare you or make you feel anything other than how you feel. Also, if you already have kids and you are the non-human mom. Email me, we need to chat. Ha Ha, I mean that with the humblest of hearts. But seriously, email me. Along with the pregnancy at thirty weeks I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I had the pleasure of stabbing my finger three times a day, injecting insulin into my stomach, maintaining a strict diet, and walking up and down 3 flights of stairs 3 times after every meal. Kept my glucose low and kept me somewhat active outside of daily walking. Thankfully I only had that pleasure for 8 weeks. Our little Gracie came at 38.5 weeks.

Outside of the pregnancy ride and all that I was blessed to encounter. We entered Parent-Hood. The glorious days of No sleep, dirty clothes, toy landmines, snot on everything, smelling poop almost everywhere you go, the life of carrying an item that holds urine and poop alongside with some wipes to clean it up. Yeah, we wanted this. We tried for this life. I giggle now. But, in all reality, our house without all those things today. Would be, boring. It is funny how as a Stay at home Mom I say I get bored a lot. Yet, If I didn't have the chaos of motherhood or being a parent. Life would be equally as boring. Just in a different paradigm. Just strange to ponder on. So, while raising Gracie over the last year and a half there have been more things to just help us confirm we made the right choice in the concept of "One and Done."

See, I could get a Full-time Employment job. Where I go and work 9-5 and have a paycheck. However, that would lead us to have someone else raise Gracie. I mean in all reality that is what it is when your littles are left with someone else most of their awake hours. We made the choice while I was pregnant I would stay home and tend to Gracie. We would make the sacrifice with less income so that I could be the main source of influence. Yes, it is a huge sacrifice. we are blessed to even have the option to live on one income. Yet I am yearning to contribute. Living on one Income and the needs of a toddler/child. It is a lot of costs, but also a lot of responsibility. As well as just figuring things out as a first-time parent. Many trials in error moments for us here. That is okay with us tho. We are okay with failing sometimes. Here is what we put into perspective every single time we have hiccups in life. Cost we cant afford, or just, in general, we slide thru by the hair on our chins. Ya know? So, we ask ourselves, "What if we had two?" I mean, that question is heavy enough in moments like that which make it easy as blinking to make the choice we did. Why take from Gracie? I mean yes, I could work and we could work harder or more to make more money. Which then would supply a life for two. However, I come back to who is raising our littles if we are always slaving away to make money for trips we don't have time for because we are to busy working. See that cycle? We do not want any part of it. Which is the end result of why we made our choice with just having Gracie.

It boils down to that one questions every single time we come into a pickle. "What if we had two?"

However.... What will 5 years from now hold?

Too Be continued?.....

3 thoughts on “What If we had Two?

  1. I honestly donโ€™t follow a lot of blogs but I was very interested in this from the beginning Iโ€™m a young mom im 23 and my son is 1 and me and my husband also decided I would stay home I tried to go back to work when my boy was 8 months but that lasted 3 months and it was so hard.. I ask myself this question everyday.. I never thought I would have kids and right after I had my son I was asked by almost everyone I came in contact with if I was gonna have more.. itโ€™s a very hard decision I loved reading another point of view about it..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Taylor,

      Thank you. Iโ€™m sorry to hear about the job. I appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts. I value being a stay at home mom more than anything. But, it does have its hardships. Your not alone. Hugs!

      Like

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