Here I Am.

So, here I am. 32 years young and writing about this. See, it all started the day I found out I was pregnant. I tell you what, I was never a tense, worry wart type of individual. But, once you know you are about to have another life to take care of, mindset changes. I promise. Let me assure you tho, it is all for a valid purpose and a good cause. It just, well, is a lot for someone like me to take in. When before, life was a bit more careless and free. Don’t misunderstand tho. I wanted to get pregnant. We tried for 8 months before we actually got the sticky bean. But, when that worry hits you, It’s like a real ton of bricks. I just wanted everything to work out in every way that would benefit our little baby. I mean, I was working as a private nanny and had no degree in anything. There were points in my time being pregnant I was so downright sad. Because I would question what I could bring to the table for our baby. As in, what can or will I teach her? Ya know? How can I tell her too go to college, or think about their future? When I didn’t. I just had these feelings that were so deep, and I had never felt what I was feeling before. I didn’t know who to ask, where to go, or what to even do. So, I stayed a nanny for almost my full term of pregnancy. Three months before I gave birth to our daughter, I no longer was working. When I stopped working, my mindset became devoted to being a mother. I felt like, now that I am no longer a nanny. I am now a mother. That is my devoted job. The job I always wanted. Being a mother is the best title in the world to me. I just felt, so full. I have now been raising Gracie for 1.5 years of her life. She is absolutely amazing! I feel incredibly blessed to be able to raise her. However, about 6-9 months ago in particular. I have become much more aware of myself lately. What I mean by that is, that I have been paying attention to my own self lately. How I am being. How I react. My attitude. Things along those lines. I have found that some of the things in my life have gone more downhill, than up. I don’t like this. However, like I said, I am more aware. So this is a good thing. I have come to realize over this last 6-9 months with the thoughts that have been going on in my head. I have come to the conclusion, I am wanting more. Not just for myself personally either. But, to be able to offer more to my family, friends, and people I care about. I am at the point in my life that I have become too comfortable with being a mom and a wife, full time, and giving no more effort to anything. That was never an intention. I know I am sort of bouncing around, try and stay with me. I promise the content is all good stuff. So, I basically have come to realize, I am not happy JUST BEING a mom, and a wife. I need to be Ashley. I am not just the one that wipes a bottom all day, slaves away for an 18-month-old human, cleans baby hands with baby wipes 1000x’s a day, gives 5 million kisses, cleans up toys, and all the other tons of things I as a mom and wife accomplish on a daily. I am NOT complaining. This is not that. I am simply getting to the point, that I want more than that. I want to invest that type of time and energy into something for myself. To feel proud. To feel like I’m giving back. To feel like I am contributing to my family in any source I can. If that makes any type of sense? So, here I am. Blogging. Thinking, well, hoping, you all find me or my life interesting enough. I cant do any of what I am attempting without viewers/readers, and people that support me and my dreams. I can do the work. I just need my support group. Will you be that? Help me accomplish my hopes and dreams of bringing moms together. Creating this safe place for them? For us. Because in the end, that is what I am working towards. That’s my dream. And, to be really honest, I have no idea what that looks like, or what road I am about to take or pave too take. But, I have a vision, and I feel like that, mixed with passion. I can accomplish what I’m striving for.

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